The Harlem Way

23. All Of Me

Same Night.

Jabri Hampton

"I...I killed two people...a couple months back." I croaked out with tears rolling down my face. Using my hands, I roughly wiped my face and sniffled. "Somebody put a hit on my head...that night I got shot in the club." I could still see that shit vividly. Whenever I thought about the night I popped those dudes, it was like I relived it. I never been afraid of dead bodies but watching the first dude drop did something to me. I just couldn't explain it.

"It was just...I'on know where it came from." I paced with my arms at my side. Every time I cried about this shit, I felt sick to my fucking stomach. Nobody knew it but sometimes it was hard to believe I was a good person. I had a big heart and always looked out for other people but this one fuck up outweighed allat. "I had to do that shit myself Rai'...I had to do it. If I didn't, they was gon' kill me. I'm so fucking paranoid but I try to hide that shit so you won't worry. I have nightmares and allat about niggas killing me. About that night...when I shot them." I stopped pacing to muffle my cries with the back of my arm.

Glancing over at her, she was still sitting in the same spot. Her expression was unreadable as she just stared at me. I couldn't even look her in the eyes cus' I knew that she was judging me. "I'ma just leave man..." I cleared my throat as I grabbed my shit to leave. I didn't get far though cus' Rai' was up grabbing my arm, pulling me to the couch. I kept my head down as I wiped the stray tears that continued to fall. Rai' placed herself in my lap and grabbed my face to make me look at her. My head was up but I kept tearing my eyes away from hers.

I couldn't even fucking look her in the eye, shit was crazy.

"Baby." She spoke in a soft but serious voice. "Babe, look at me." She demanded. I shook my head 'NO' and continued to look away. I felt her hands on my face, wiping away my tears. "It's okay to cry Jah, I'm right here." She said to me. I was quiet for a lil minute until I finally spoke. "I wanted to tell you...right after it happened, on my moms Bae. I came straight to you after that...remember when I was fucked up?" I reminded her about the night I stayed with her. "I was zoned out that's why I got fucked up. I can't take this shit Rai'...it's fucking with my mental." I was full out crying again, keeping my hands on my face. I felt her trying to remove my hands but I wouldn't let her. I felt so fucking weak.

"Baby, I want you to look at me." She lifted my head. I blinked a few times before finally looking her in the eyes. They were filled with so many emotions, I didn't know what to say. So, I waited for her to speak. "You are not a bad person...that was just one bad decision." She told me but something in my mind said that it was lie. She was just tryna make me feel better.

"Nah," I started. "It was the worst decision I ever made. You know why I didn't tell you?" I sniffled as I met her eyes again. She blinked and shook her head. "Cus' I thought you was gon' dip on me. I thought you was gon' judge me and assume that I lied about not being in the streets." I told her the truth. I didn't know what to expect from all this honestly.

She could feel for me now but wake up on different time tomorrow. The ball was in her court now that the secret was out. "Since we've been together you have never lied to me. That's what I love the most, your honesty. How can I shame you when my father has done the same?" Her hand caressed my face.

"You are not a monster, you are a good person. You just have to face the consequences of what you've done. I know it hurts babe, but this is your reality right now." She preached to me. I was quiet as I just listened. She was right, just like my Pops. "Are you in danger?" She asked suddenly. "No. I ain't taking no more chances Rai'...I keep the gun on me." I told her. "Am I in danger?" Hearing her ask that made my heart jump. See, now she's scared. That's not what I wanted at all.