It's Only Temporary

Chapter 35: The Letter (Part Three)

"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the unavoidable delay."

Penny rolled her eyes as a collective groan went up through the packed subway car. Here she was again, stuck somewhere beneath the East River, between the last stop in Manhattan and the first stop in Brooklyn. The train couldn't have moved more than ten feet in the past quarter of an hour. This would probably be her last trip ever on the New York City mass transit system, and it was turning into the subway ride from hell.

Penny knew she should be stressed. She actually had a plane to catch, unlike most of these impatient faces surrounding her. She should be the one tapping her foot and checking her watch every three seconds. But for some reason, she didn't really mind the delay. Maybe it felt like a fitting end to her time here in New York. Two years wasted. Two years standing in place, without an inch of forward progress to show for herself.

Or maybe she was just holding on to the secret hope, deep down, that she would miss her flight.

No.

No no no.

She couldn't think like that. Penny gave her head a little shake to clear away the thought. She was flying home to Minnesota today, and she knew it was the right decision: the first positive step forward she'd made in years. She had to catch this flight. She couldn't stay in New York. She had nowhere left to stay here, and she knew it. David had been generous enough to put her up for a week, but she could tell her continuing presence in his living room had begun to try his patience.

It was Thursday night - two days ago - when things had really started to go downhill. Not that he had said anything. Just the opposite really. He'd been uncharacteristically silent all evening. He'd barely even cracked a joke. Barely even smiled. He'd hardly even looked at her at all, for that matter. He'd come home from work and immediately turned on the television to avoid any possibility of a conversation. And then they'd just sat there together in awkward silence, counting down the minutes until 10 o'clock rolled around, so he could wish her a terse "goodnight" and go into his room and shut the door.

No, she couldn't go back to David's. Everything had changed. There was a wall up now that hadn't existed when she'd stayed in his apartment before. During the weeks and months after the shooting, she'd slept most nights in a chair beside his bed - holding his hand, soothing away the bad dreams. But that intimacy was long gone. A distant memory. He'd been careful this week to keep her at arm's length.

And Penny knew the reason why. She couldn't say she blamed him.

She hadn't retrieved her belongings from Greg's apartment until yesterday. All week long, she'd spent her days sitting around David's apartment while he was away at work. Eating his food. Playing his music. Reading his books. Pawing through his closet, running her fingers over the clothes, picturing him wearing them. She was just looking for something that would fit her until she had her own clothes back in her possession. At least, that was what she tried to tell herself.

David must have figured it out the real reason though. Or at least he must have suspected. It had been easier to hide her feelings from him when they worked together. There was always some convenient distraction - some spreadsheet to pretend to be working on, some file to pretend to be organizing. But there was no hiding it this week. He must have seen right through her, the moment he walked in Thursday night and found her cuddled up on his couch, engulfed in one of his old track suits.

The old David would have teased her for it. He would have smirked and said: "Nice outfit."

And she would have glowered back as she replied: "It's not my fault you own nothing but grey suits and workout clothes."