university | lrh

39 - daydreaming

Luke Hemmings
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I don't like to lie, I've never much seen the benefit in doing so.

It's always seemed a bit pointless to me, to stray from the truth. And if I've learned anything in my 24 years of life—which, I'd like to say that I have—it would be that lying gets you absolutely and utterly nowhere.

Most of the time, lies are only set in place to delay the truth, which only proves to leave you hopelessly fucked in the end. As tempting as the act is, I try my best to steer clear of it, considering every lie I've ever told has—in some form or another—come back to bite me in the ass. I just don't like lying; I don't like the guilty feeling it gives me in the chest, and I don't like the way the aftermath chips away at any statue of trust between me and the person I've done it to.

I also don't particularly enjoy being lied to, as I'd had enough of that to last me the rest of my lifetime.

Furthermore, I've never believed there could be a gray area around it; that being whether or not I actually had lied to someone. But, a couple of days ago I promised the girl I'm pathetically in love with that we would be perfectly fine, and I can't help but wonder if I deviated from the truth.

I had thought lies were black and white, but my words are swimming in the dull color between, and I don't know what to do about it.

I wanted to believe the words just as much as I'd hoped she would, but the more I dwell on it the more I can't help but think that I might've lied to the both of us.

"Hey, fucker, stop zoning out. You look like an idiot."

I have to blink a few times to remember where the hell I am, and who the hell I'm with. Sometimes I actually don't mind his company, but right now I kind of feel like smacking the bored look off of Cole's face from where he sits in front of me.

The stress is getting to me, I think.

"You're such an ass." I mumble.

"I've got a pretty good one, thanks for noticing." He grins and I roll my eyes, leaning further back in my chair.

I bring my hands to my face, running them down and over my eyes in what I can only describe as exhaustion. From what, I'm not sure. Maybe it's the fact that Cole is being extra irritating today, or maybe it's because I didn't get a wink of sleep last night.

I was having a perfect night with Elise, tangled hopelessly in my sheets with a movie playing low—of which I couldn't recite a single detail about if my life depended on it, all because I was too busy staring at her. In the least creepy way possible, I could not keep my eyes—or my hands—off of the pretty girl in my arms.

She hadn't noticed where my attention was focused until she let out the most adorable laugh at some scene from the movie, and had to lift her head from its' position on my shoulder to see why I wasn't laughing along. She was only a little surprised to see my eyes already on her, myself having bit down harshly on my lip at the sight of her, simply because I didn't know what to do with myself.

"Have you been paying attention?" She was hiding a smile.

"Mmhm,"

It wasn't a total lie, I had been paying a lot of attention, just not at the movie.

"Oh, really?" She pushed herself up the smallest bit with a hand on my chest, eyes full of amusement. "So you saw what just happened?"

I nodded, dazed as I tucked a small strand of loose hair behind her ear.