The Valley Between Us (1)

Chapter 3: Torn

The days that followed were filled with wedding preparations. Caspian decided he wanted the ceremony held at Cair Paravel since it was the most beautiful castle he had ever seen, he said.

As the day drew closer he grew worried and anxious. Each day he found himself gazing after Susan or day dreaming of being with her. One day Peter found Caspian pacing in the library. "You're having second thoughts aren't you?" Peter guessed as he entered the room. Caspian didn't say anything back. "You're still in love Susan."

"How did you know?" Caspian asked.

"It's quite obvious." Peter stated with a light laugh.

"What do I do?" Caspian asked hoping for some wise words of advice.

"That's for you to decide." Peter said. With that he left the room, leaving Caspian alone to wrestle with his thoughts.

~

That evening as Caspian wandered through the castle he came upon Susan who was standing on the balcony staring into the sunset. "Susan?" He said before stepping outside.

"Yes?" She asked, surprised to see him there.

"I need to talk to you about." He said. He stepped out into the balcony and walked to her. Susan watched him, waiting. "I've been having second thoughts about Liliandil." He confessed. Her heart jumped. Caspian glanced at his left hand then up at Susan who's faced whispered questions, then back at his hand. "Since you left I avoided falling in love again. Part of it was fear, but part of it was because I thought I could never love anyone else again. Recently, however, I told myself I was being ridiculous, I would never see you again so why rob myself of a second chance at love? When I met Lilliandil something jumped inside. She was the most beautiful woman I had met since you. I got excited and things were moving so fast and all the sudden I found myself engaged. It was a wonderful feeling, I won't deny it, being in love. Then you showed up," Now he raised his eyes to meet hers. "and I realized how much deeper I loved you. I can't read Lilliandil's eyes like I can yours, and when I touch her hand" He looked back down at his hand then up again. "it's nothing like when I touched yours."

Susan's heart raced. Could it really be? Was he going to say what she thought - what she hoped - he would say?

"What-what I'm trying to say is that I never stopped loving you, and the love I have for you is perhaps deeper than the one I have for Lilliandil." Caspian confessed.

They stood in silence, Caspian trying to read her eyes before asking "Do you still love me?"

Susan took a deep breath. She did love him, but something inside whispered to her. It was a warning. A voice telling her to turn and run, that this wasn't a good idea, that he had already broken her heart once, what makes her think he wouldn't again?

She swallowed hard, not wanting to say what she felt she must say to protect herself. "I love you as dear a friend, but nothi more than that." She lied.

Caspian could tell she was lying, she wouldn't look him in the eye. She was staring into the sun again. It was just barely peeking over the horizon, the last bit of light glowing warmly.

There was something Caspian had to do, something he hadn't done in three years. He put his hands on her cheeks and pulled her into a passionate kiss.

Susan didn't think her heart could race any faster than it already was, but when his lips pressed against her the speed picked up.

He pulled away, but his hands still remained cradling her face. "Now look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me." He said breathlessly.

She couldn't deny it, not after a kiss that assured her he cared too deeply to hurt her again. "Oh Caspian I do!" She admitted. Her voice wavered through the lump in her throat. "I just don't want to ruin things between you and Lilliandil." She confessed. "You're engaged! The wedding is just days away, I can't come between you now!" Susan explained frantically.

"Listen," Caspian said, gently running away a tear that had escaped onto her cheek. "I will work things out between me and Liliandil. Don't worry, you haven't ruined anything. My life has only enhanced since you came into it." Caspian assured her. He stroked her cheek with his thumb. She smiled through foggy eyes as he pulled her into another kiss.

They assumed they were in complete privacy, but right outside the door stood Lilliandil who had watched and heard the whole thing. She wasn't mad or hurt in any way, just disappointed. She had known of Caspian's first love: a young queen whose beauty was abounding and whose gentle and quiet spirit made her just as beautiful inside as she was out. She walked away, knowing what step she was going to have to take.

"Susan, not a day went by without you on my mind." Caspian told her.

"Not for me either." Susan whispered. Caspian hugged her tight like he had right before she left. He wasn't going to let her go, not this time.

~

It was the day before the wedding. Caspian sat at a desk with his head held by his hand. He looked down at his left had, a place his eyes often drifted to lately. Tomorrow it would be home to golden ring. Caspian let out a mouth full of air just as the door was opening.

The professor walked in and pulled up a chair next to Caspian's desk. "You have a big day tomorrow." He said. "You're not looking forward to it are you?" He guessed.

"You're correct." Caspian sighed, then took another deep breath. "After Susan left, I couldn't stop thinking about her. I didn't fall in love for the longest time, then I realized how silly I was being. I would never see her again so there was no point in robbing myself from the chance to find another love. I did. Now I can see I wasn't being silly. " Caspian stared out the window watching the wind billow through the trees.

"Tell me, Capsian, why do you think you fell in love with Liliandil? What was it about her that sparked interest in you?" The professor prompted.

"She's beautiful, she's kind, she's intelligent, she's..." Caspian paused, reality hitting him like a bat to a baseball. "She was a replacement for Susan." He confessed. It was true, Liliandil was beautiful, kind and intelligent, but she was also Caspian's chance to escape the feelings he had for Susan - someone he would never see again.

"Caspian," The professor looked him intensely leaning forward in his chair. "Why did you propose to her?"

Caspian thought hard. He wasn't actually sure of the answer. Everything had happened so quickly, it was like a dream, he had no control over what happened. "I-I don't know. It all happened so fast."

The Professor leaned back in his chair. "You know most people would answer that question with 'Because I love her.'" Caspian thought hard about that. Love hadn't even crossed his mind when he was asked about the proposal. "Weddings are for the purpose of joining together to people who love each other. Before you walk down that aisle tomorrow I think you need to ask yourself a question. Do you really truly love Liliandil?"