Arlington (Book One)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

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Chapter Twenty-Eight

The damage that was done was so severe that I can't pull myself back together. There is no pain in this state, there really isn't anything except existing, and even then, sometimes I am not cognitive. There is no way to mark time passing, there is no way to do anything until I can put myself back together. But the real question remains, do I want to put myself back together? Would I ever be able to look myself in the mirror again? Will Lena ever be able to look me in the eye again? Can I ever be comfortable in my own skin again?

My thoughts continuously scatter and reform as the remains of my body reform in chunks and break apart again. I don't have any reason to pull myself back together so why do I even continue to try anymore? I deserve to spend the rest of my life like this, I deserve to die like this, I killed.

How could I ever reform myself knowing the act that I have committed, even in self-defense, even if it was a do or die situation? I should have worked harder! I should have found another way! That's not how I should have let this end, I should have done better.

You can still do better, just not today, a voice whispers in my head. I had to stop her; I didn't have a choice. If I died... I would have never been to continue my work. I would never be able to be a hero again; I would have never been able to reach my peak. My life would have been over before it really even started. But did that justify my life being spared over hers? Every life has value, no matter how tarnished and broken, everyone deserves a chance until they don't want to live anymore. Did she even want to live anymore?

Nothing will ever be worse than killing my own mother. She did this for me, she broke me so nobody else could. Nothing will ever be worse. Losing Lena and the team would be painful, but nothing can get worse than how I feel right here, right now.

Light starts to bend before my eyes as I slowly pull myself back together, looking down at my hands, I can still see through them. Pulling harder form my surroundings, I feel for the parts of me that are still missing and struggle to piece them back together. If I could sweat right now, I would be dripping buckets. My heart starts to race, and every nerve is slowly lit up in pain, and oxygen starts pumping back into my healed lungs. Pulling even harder, my body starts to solidify again, and then it happens, I can feel my surroundings. My body drops suddenly, and the mind-numbing pain makes it hard to think straight.

Looking around confused, I see I am in an empty apartment. Looking around, I slowly start to recognize the room as my old living room. Pushing myself off of the hardwoods, I see that I am in the tattered remnants of my suit. Walking towards the bathroom, I tremble as I look in the mirror. I am startled at what I see.

My hair is well past my chest and my eyes are a vibrant amber color that I have never seen before. My cheekbones are very prominent against my face and I am incredibly pale, but I am in one piece again. Looking down at the back of my calf, I see a brilliant red mark where the stake was. Reaching down to touch it, it is as smooth as the rest of my skin. Is that a scar? Spinning around, I tug on the tattered material and pull it away so I can see my shoulders. There is a red mark on either shoulder, both different sizes and shapes from the one on my calf.

Breathing in deeply, there is no physical pain, but my body still feels heavy. The mental weight of what I did presses down hard on my shoulders as the shock of being alive and in one piece wears off. Dropping to my knees, my breathing is short, and I start to shake. I need to keep it together this time, I need to stay in one piece. I don't even know what being whole feels like anymore.