In a Split Second || BTS

Chapter 17

--Flashback--

Madame Beaumont's first lessons were painfully difficult. The school I attended as a child specialized in dance, and I would peer into the studio on my way out of class at the end of the day. A dozen ballerinas would dance across the floor, floating like a cloud when they leaped and blurring in my vision when they twirled. I wanted to be one of them, but I never imagined it would be so difficult.

"You are still too stiff," Madame Beaumont sniffed, her foot tapping out an angry beat on the floor to the tune of the lilting classical music. "You need to let go."

"I am letting go," I insisted, trying to regain my balance after many spins that resulted in me tumbling to the floor.

"No, you are not. You are letting go just enough to feel like you are dancing; in my class, that is not enough."

I bit my lip as tears stung my eyes. Madame Beaumont's words were not cruel, but they were harsh, and they struck a chord deep within me.

"Mon amour," she said softly, directing my attention to her petite figure. "I know what you are hiding from. I may not be able to empathize with you or understand how you cope with the hardships you have faced, but I do realize that you are afraid of losing control."

"My life has always been out of my control," I murmured, tears slipping down my cheeks. I swiped them away with the heel of my hand and sniffled to clear the congestion in my nose. "Every time I stop thinking about what could happen and let go, something terrible happens."

"I know it seems that way, ma chérie, but life is all about letting go. You are only thirteen, but life has already placed more obstacles in front of you than many face in their entire existence. When I was young like you, I was far more innocent and naïve; still, I used to have many of your same thoughts. I was always worried about the 'what ifs'." She crossed the floor to stand in front of me and placed her hand on my shoulder, her eyes swimming with sympathy. "Dance is where I found that I could lose myself without any consequences. It is a place where everyone can express themselves and exude their emotions through a universal language that everyone speaks. Dance will be the most beautiful thing you have ever experienced, Miss Cherisse, but only if you let it be so."

A small sob wrenched from my throat, and I sunk to my knees, Madame Beaumont kneeling beside me. "I-I want to let go, Madame Beaumont, but it's s-so hard."

"I know – believe me, I know. Please, Miss Cherisse, try it again – one more time. Let everything go. Transform your hardships into energy that will propel you across the floor. Let the pain of your past fuel your dance."

I nodded shallowly and pushed myself off from the floor as a new song began to play through the speakers lining the walls. The short dance Madame Beaumont choreographed ran through my mind as I pushed everything else aside and focused solely on dancing. I want to let go. My words repeated through my mind as I began the first few simple motions that led into the dance. I want to let go, Madame Beaumont, but it's so hard. Why was it so hard? Why were others so resilient while my parents' death still haunted me?

I practically flied into the grand jeté, lifting higher than I ever had before. The pirouette I performed made my head spin, but I did not hesitate a moment before leaping back across the floor. Memories twisted through my head, seemingly unstoppable, even as the song ended, and I finished in fifth position.

"Do you see? Do you see, Miss Cherisse?" Madame Beaumont asked, a wide grin betraying her inner excitement. "Oh, I knew you were meant to be a dancer. I just knew it!"