Path To Retaliation (Fighter's Den, #2)

Chapter 31 - Cameron

Jab. Jab. Right hook.

Straight punch.

Jab. Jab. Left uppercut.

Left hook.

Each punch I throw, fiercer than the last, burns my arms from fist to shoulder and I relish the distraction it brings. I shouldn't be trying to distract myself from my mistakes and own up to them like a man but I can't fucking do it. I've disappointed myself enough for the next five lifetimes.

I knew I shouldn't have made that call.

Goddamn, why couldn't I just make rational decisions when it came to Hannah? Why did I always lose my common sense when it came to her? It's like I was programmed to roll out a fucking red carpet and invite her in to my life so she could just keep fucking it up. What the hell is wrong with me?

"Fuck!" I roar and jab the punching bag with so much force it spins uncontrollably and winds the chains holding it up into a knot.

"Fuck." This time I whisper it and sink to my knees, gripping my hair tightly enough that I might just yank out every last strand.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and flinch, falling back on my ass and scrambling away before I realize it's just Jax. My ears grow hot with embarrassment and I avert my eyes so I don't have to look at his face which is scrunched up with sympathy, his hands held out in front him in surrender.

"It's just me." He says softly. My humiliation deepens. He rarely uses a tone that gentle and I hate being on the receiving end of it.

"I know." I snap and stand up, brushing myself off and staring a hole into the mat I'm on.

"Stop thinking about it, man."

"Thanks, Cage. You come up with that brilliant idea all by yourself?"

"You can be an asshole to me all you want but if I'm the outlet to whatever you're feeling right now then you sure as shit don't get to whine about it. If you're dishing out on me don't keep that shit in your system for another fucking second. I'm not gonna be your punching bag for no reason."

He starts walking away and panic grips my throat. "Wait." He turns around again and I swallow my pride. "I'm sorry."

"Why? I didn't say you're not allowed to feel what you're feeling."

"I know." I repeat. My nose stings and I look up at the ceiling in an attempt to stop my tears from falling out. I've cried enough for fuck's sake. "It just...I still don't understand what the fuck happened."

"Maybe it was a long time coming." He shrugs. "Either way, you need to stop taking responsibility for it."

"Aren't I though? Responsible?"

"It wasn't just you, Cam."

"Yes it was!" I punch the bag again, breathing hard. Jaxon watches me wordlessly but the hard set of his mouth tells me he's fed up. I don't blame him. I can't understand why I'm behaving this way but I can't seem to stop it either. "The things I said —"

"Needed to be said. And I'm sure it wasn't the first time she heard all of that."

"No." I say softly and sink to my knees. "But it was the last."

Not surprisingly, I find my mind wandering back to that ill-fated phone call and briefly wonder what would have happened if I'd just kept my mouth shut.

"Doll? I knew you'd come back." Hannah answered in what she probably thought was a seductive voice but it sounded like nails on a chalkboard to me. Avery too, I guess, because her jaw clenched to tightly I was convinced she'd break it. Maybe I shouldn't have put the phone on speaker but I didn't want to hide anything from Avery. I knew she didn't agree with this decision to begin with so I wanted this to at least be a transparent experience, figuring it would give her some ease.