Chasing Blue

14. In Return You Refuse

It's 7 PM and I get a text from Blue asking me out for coffee.

Ever since the first time Blue introduced me to that coffee truck, I've become a huge fan of it and me and Blue often go their together.

I reply a "yes" and get ready to leave thinking I'll have the talk with Blue.

I don't know exactly what type of talk I'm going to have, but anything relevant to the current predicament I'm in with him is fine. I can't just sit still and do nothing.

We get our coffee and instead of drinking it there we take it to a nearby park.

We both drink our steaming beverage as we walk on the pavement.

I ask him, kind of suddenly, "why don't you like girls?" I think it's a good question to breach this subject with Blue.

He stops. I stop and face him. We both are under a streetlight and I see his confused face clearly.

This feels like Deja Vu. It reminds me of the first time I saw Blue's face clearly opposite a streetlight. Blue is also wearing a blue shirt and dark jeans today, just like that day.

I slant my head and say, "this reminds me of the first time we met."

Blue slightly smiles and looks away.

Uh oh.

The scene just looked like I made a pass at him and, more importantly, he liked it.

I turn around and we continue walking.

"Why are you asking?" he says.

"I want to know," I tell him, a little pleading. I'm genuinely curious as to why Blue doesn't date.

There's a girl in my old neighbourhood who is gay and hates men.

I once asked her if she didn't like men because she's gay.

I know, I was a stupid human and it was a stupid question. But I didn't ask that condescendingly or with any ill intentions. I really wanted to understand her, we were good friends.

She patiently told me that that was not the case. When she was younger, she almost got raped by a guy and her trauma made her mad at men in general.

I think Blue must've had a bitter experience with a girl before, for him to be like this. Maybe a girl broke his heart or something.

"My mother," he mumbles, looking far into the distance ahead.

"What?" I ask him.

"It's because of my mother. She cheated on my father with a neighbour when me and Winston were little.

My dad became distant after their divorce. It was tough on us. I didn't want to end up like my dad after growing up, so I became disinterested in girls."

"You can like guys," I say sincerely, from the bottom of my heart.

He laughs for a second and says, "I don't think it works like that."

I nod. I feel bad for him. He must've had a tough childhood.

"So, you've never liked anyone, not a single girl?" I ask him cautiously.

"There's one," he says, still looking ahead.

"Who?" I ask in a frail voice. I didn't expect that answer. I'm slowly losing my body strength.

"I'm not saying," he says flatly.

I stop. He stops and looks at me.

"Why not?" I ask him annoyed.