friends with benefits || nct

<10>

Watching NCT perform, seeing the green lightsticks bounce to the beat, screaming the fanchant, came with a mix of emotions.

I was proud, teary-eyed as always, that my best friend had made it. I'd overhear the fans gush on about his dancing skills and Center!Ten. And I'd shriek his name, because it was the least he deserved.

And then I'd spot Mark. He'd steal the show, rapping. This comeback he even sang a few lines. And I'd think of eating ramen with him by Han River, and I'd make fun of how awkward he could get. Or I'd remember the prank I'd pulled on him (lion figurines fucking everywhere) and his bewildered expression when he'd texted me the picture. And then I'd recall the way he'd chuckle when I cussed, the way he'd smile and look down when I whined about his exceeding kindness, the way he'd talk like he was rapping when he was embarrassed or excited.

And then I'd scream his name, overjoyed that my other boy was up there, living his dream. Followed by, Well shit, I just called him 'my boy' and he's just too cute - and dammit, this is so complicated.

But sometimes I'd stop cheering. My lightstick would drop by my side and I'd frown at the stage. I felt heavy, weighed down by the knowledge that I was only here because I was friends with an idol, and this was a benefit. And I hated myself because I should've paid for these tickets.

I cradled my lightstick to my chest. This stupid, fucking thing. The only thing I deserved because I'd bought it. And wouldn't I be even happier knowing I supported Ten with my own money?

"Did you hear them screaming when you took center?" I asked Ten afterward, crouched in opposite corners.

He smiled at the ceiling, face dripping with sweat. "I really wanted to take my earpiece out."

"Do it next time." My smile faded. "Hey, next time, don't give me a ticket."

Ten dared to look directly at me. "Why? Is everything okay?"

I managed a weak smile. "Yeah. I'm just gonna be busy. Don't worry about it."

"Okay." He peered down the hall. "I should head. You sure you're okay?"

I wanted to shove him, but there were people around. So I crossed my arms and said, "Positive. Go back. Don't arouse suspicion. Keep your dick to yourself."

He laughed, flashed me the bird, and vanished into the crowd of idols.

To my surprise, when I saw Mark several minutes later, removing his mic, he cast a quick smile in my direction. I smiled back. He jerked his head toward the side exit, and after two minutes, we were in the cool air staring at the darkening sky from the alley.

"You're talented, kid." I gave him a light smack on the head.

He chuckled and rubbed where I had hit. "Thanks. You know, I really liked knowing you were in the crowd."

"And our gazes met and we fell in love," I jeered, feigning elation as I clasped my hands near my shoulder and looked up.

He shoved me. "Seriously, Yingyue. It was nice."

I leaned on the railing. "Yeah, well, it won't happen for a while."

"Why?"

A slow exhale escaped. "I'm gonna get a job. I've decided I want to pay for the right to be here. I'm done mooching off Ten. I'm tired of taking advantage of his friendship."

Not to mention my guilty conscience: I couldn't keep Ten's wish, that our friendship remain secret. Now I had two secrets weighing heavy on me.

His hand rested on my arm. His smile highlighted his cheekbones. "That's awesome. I'm proud of you."

I studied him in the dim street lights. His makeup had smudged, hair drying from his sweat. But his eyes were big and round, like they could hold dreams. Dreamcatcher eyes.

"Fuck." And I stopped breathing until he finished chuckling.

"Is it that cold out? I hadn't noticed."

I shook my head, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "No, it's not that. It's not the weather at all. It's - shit, Mark, you've made everything so complicated."

His smile seemed sad. He rubbed his neck. "Yeah, I know. Because of your friendship with Ten and me knowing and everything. I'm sorry. I hate keeping secrets like this but I'd rather no one get in trouble. I like having you around."

"That." I pointed at him, and he stared bewildered at my finger. "That's the complicated thing. You. Me. Me for you. I - Mark, I really like having you around too. I like it too much."

His expression fell. "Oh."

"Because I like you, Mark. As in, more than complicated friendship."

Now his eyes widened and his lips parted. "Oh."

When he said nothing else, I took a step away and shoved my hands into my pockets, chuckling. "Ah, but it's stupid. So fucking stupid. Sorry. I'll just go."

But then we were kissing. Our hands didn't know where to go and our feet tripped over each other. And for once, I didn't care if other people were around - I wouldn't have noticed anyway.

Mark tasted delicious. Deliciously complicated.