Review by Rrc: The Fact and our Foibles

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Title: The Fact and our Foibles 

Author: ifana8

Reviewer: rrc_loves_donuts


SPECIAL NOTE FROM REVIEWER: 

I shall start by laying down the basis on which I've reviewed your poetry. I, myself, don't write poems very often. But, I do write songs every now and then. Sometimes I just pour my heart out in paragraphs. So, I'll be very into the depth that your poems portray. I will review the book in two ways. One in which I'm a person who likes to read sometimes and just stumbled across your book. This will be more about the grammar, and how much an average person would understand.

Second one will be my original review in which I try to dig out the meaning in each and every poem (I apologize if I sound as if I'm going to be brutal).


CASE A: Average Reader

Description: 3/5

The description isn't exactly relevant but then, I don't see how one can generalize a bunch of poems under one category. 

I do suggest a short poem (4 lines) in the description just to show the readers what you have to offer. It's specifically hard to choose a good poem collection as they do not disclose much in the description. Many a times you click the read button on a book and the author ends up being a rabbit writing ballads about their one and only true love, carrots. 

So, yeah, a sample of your writing would be helpful as otherwise people just select poems on the basis of reads( which is not helpful if you are a new writer and aren't in the spotlight yet) and covers( which is hard if you're a rabbit who can't avert her eyes from the carrots). 


Grammar: 4/5

Grammar in poems can be tricky. Sometimes you have to put in wrong words, or twist sentences every other way to make it sound good. I judged the grammar only from places where they could be improved. For example, in the line: 

"No one feels her raw pains,"

The last word should have been pain and not pains. I shall address this line further in the next criteria.


Writing Style: 6.5/10

In some lines, the words used just do not go well with each other.

For example, the line: 

"No one feels her raw pains,"

It could be re-written as: 

"No one can heal the raw blisters of her pain..." 

Second, the balance of words is being disturbed.

You have a wide range of vocabulary but sometimes poems can be beautiful without big, complex words. Some of the stanzas of your poems are simple written, whereas in the following one, one has to open a dictionary just to understand the sentence. Doing that completely ruins the feel. Just distribute complex words evenly and keep them proportionate.

You should remove all the 'maybe's and 'might's in the unnecessary areas. Most of your poems, like 'Why?' are almost rant-like and desperate, which is not exactly a bad thing. You just need to dive in headstrong without 'probably's and straight out blame the one you want to. It's your opinion, you should be able to write however you want to without worrying about the fact that people are going to argue and disagree with you.

Last but not the least, the structure and flow. You have to maintain both at the same time. Flow doesn't exactly mean rhyming words. You can maintain the flow by limiting the number of words in one line. Just mess around with the structure a bit to make it more stressed.

For example: 

"Because they all see her mask..." 

It could be re-written as: 

"Because all they see is her mask..." 

As this is supposed to be the ending line, structuring the sentence differently makes it more powerful.


Repetition of Words: 4.5/5

In many cases, repetition of a word with several different meanings is simplistic yet beautiful. For example, your poem 'my turn and time'.

But it is in poems like 'story' where the repetition of that same word sounds so odd. Try to phrase it in other ways and use metaphors.


CASE B: In-Depth Reader

Depth: 4/5

Your way of writing is very unique but it may need some stronger words to get across. While you beautifully describe the pain, it isn't done so that one could feel it. I do like your shorter poems better, like, 'advice' and 'survival in your hands'. The latter is most probable my favourite and, genuinely, one of the most magnificent poems I've ever read.

'Stress' is the one poem that gets close to getting 5 in each and every criteria.


OVERALL SCORE: 22/30

General Rating: 25.5/30

Even though I'm writing this review, I sincerely hope that you do not follow my guidelines. I wrote this based on how I like poems but that's not everyone's choice. My opinion shouldn't change something that comes from someone's heart. You should create your poems how you feel them and change them according to what you think is necessary.

These are just some suggestions. I also think that you should create a playlist with this. I listened to Billie Eilish's songs while reading your poems and they're like a match made in heaven. Hope you find this helpful.









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