dead or alive

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I've never known somebody who couldn't ever take their eyes off me before. I'm not stupid, I've know been checked out before, but it's nothing compared to the way Jennie has been staring at me for the past ten minutes. She looks afraid that she'll blink and I'll be gone.

I don't mind her looking at me. In fact, if there was a place on this earth farthest from caring, I would be at that place. A few minutes ago she came to a sudden halt, afraid I was leaving again. I wasn't going anywhere; she was under a street light and I wasn't.

Jennie opens the front door and gestures for me to go first. I happily oblige and feel her eyes burning into me even with my back turned. I feel like I did on my first date: I have no idea what to do or say without sounding like an idiot. When I turn back around, Jennie is kicking the door shut with her foot, her eyes never straying from me.

"Are you okay?" I ask her.

I don't feel uncomfortable when her eyes scan my face. "Yeah," she whispers.

"Do you want to talk down here, or upstairs?"

"We should go upstairs, my parents will probably be here soon," she says.

I nod in agreement and watch Jennie pull her cell-phone from her pocket. It must have been on vibrate because she answers right away. "Hey." Her eyes are still on mine. "Uh huh." She smiles back when I smile at her. "I can't make it tonight." I hear a male voice —Jongin— ask why the hell not. "I have somebody more important to see." Jennie doesn't say bye. She just turns off her phone and slides it back into her pocket.

"You should head up. I'll be there in a second." I promise.

Her head shakes. "No, you go first. I'll walk behind you."

"If you can still see me now, then I think we're okay. You probably shouldn't worry."

"Please. Just in case."

I can't argue with that

When we enter the bedroom I stop before I get to the bed and turn around to Jennie who is approaching. I have her undivided attention. "Is it all right if I sit down?" I nod toward the bed.

"You don't have to ask."

I sit down on the edge of the bed that I made this morning and press my teeth into my full bottom lip. I'm still unsure. When I notice Jennie still standing at the door, unmoving, I give her a shy smile and avert my eyes around the room. I feel her smiling at me more than I see it.

"I don't bite, sit down," I say.

It's Jennie's turn to look unsure as she walks over to the bed. I move up to lean against the headboard and she sits near the bottom of the bed, her eyes watching my hand run through my hair. It reminds me a little of my first and only kiss with a boy, except for the fact that Jennie hasn't pounced on me yet. As soon as I sat down on his bed, he was all over me.

Come to think of it, this situation is nothing like my first kiss with a boy. "Is this a staring contest?" I ask nicely. "Because I don't really need to blink. I'd kick your ass."

Her head shakes negatively and if I'm not mistaken, she looks a little flustered. "I'm sorry. I just...this is a lot."

"I know, it's okay," I placate her. "I'm sorry you're missing your date with Jerry," I say a second after, lying through my teeth.

"Jongin," she corrects. "And, it's okay. If I had to choose who I'd rather be sitting here with, it definitely wouldn't be him," she finishes with a long unsteady breath.

I smile at her and don't say anything when her eyes linger on my lips, unsure whether it was just wishful thinking on my behalf.

"Jisoo?"

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