Sins On The Skin

XIX.

Two desperate fists pounded vigorously on the wooden door of her apartment.

"Gwen open the damn door, I can explain." Nathan almost winced at how weak his voice sounded, at how pathetic he was being.

At how he had handled the situation.

At how he hadn't trusted her enough to tell her about his book.

No, trust wasn't the right word to use but for the life of him he couldn't think of any other word that could work, not when his body was barely functioning.

Gwen was standing by the door, her organism consumed by his betrayal.

The blood in her veins ran cold when she heard his lying voice.

Sure, she snorted to herself, a stray tear leaving her tear ducts and travelling down her pronounced cheekbone, you can explain, professor. Words are all you're good for.

"Go away, Nate."

"No." The refusal was uttered in such a way that made it seem like he was the one pulling the strings of their little puppet show.

Which he totally wasn't.

Truly, he wasn't.

Her sigh spoke of disappointment. She didn't know what she was hoping for. Did she want him to fail her trust so that she could have an excuse to pack her things and flee?

No, it wasn't that. For the first time in her life she felt like she could finally settle down properly, without running away every once in a while to pacify the voices in her head. In fact, the voices fell silent the moment the first box of things collided with the floor of her new apartment.

"Go home, Nate." She said, using a softer tone this time, hoping that he would find it in him to give up and let the glass shatter, that he would let the pieces fall to the floor. Holding them together did nothing but cut his hands. "I have nothing to say to you."

"No. I'm staying here until you let me in."

"Suit yourself, I'm going to bed." But she didn't instead, she remained there with her back against the wall, each hit on the door falling indirectly on her. Gwen brought her knees to her chin, hugging them with her powerless arms.

This is nothing but a very cliché movie scene, she concluded as she heard him apologise over and over, stepping on his pride and crashing it for the sake of the mercy only she could offer him.

At some point Nathan's feet failed him and he fell on her doorstep, the small mat easing his fall. He stayed there, angry at himself the whole night. He knew that their bodies were being separated only by a few flimsy centimetres but to him it felt like a whole world. He heard her harsh breaths and felt her tears as they slid down her cheeks and cursed himself in every language he knew because he finally understood.

He had hurt her.