Azure Saviour | dark h.s.

thirty nine | 39

There are so many sad things that happened during this week, it's unbelievable. I just want to say my condolences to the victim's families from the Christchurch mosque shooting. Alongside that, precious Félicité has joined her mum, Johannah. My hearts, thoughts, and prayers are with Louis, his family, and many more.

Please don't send hate or disrespect people. I've seen a lot of that in these past two days and it doesn't benefit anyone...so just, don't.

Moving on to this update, which is a bittersweet chapter. I hope you enjoy it.

S x

~ Trigger Warning: Small mentioning of self harm near the start of the chapter. (If you like, you can skip the small part between the tilde's)

ha·zel·nut

Céline.

I entered my bedroom, collapsing on my bed, remembering every single moment and emotion I had. Stressed. Sad. Content. Comfort. Passion. Care. Love - with an attachment.

I couldn't believe what I'd done. I kissed him. I kissed Harry.

Why would you do that, Céline? He doesn't even like you.

But he kissed you back. It felt real; but was it really?

No.

My eyes held back tears that have been hanging on for hours, until I just let go. I didn't want to cry over him. I've only cried once over a guy, and he wasn't even worth it; but Harry, he was.

Was?

That's not true. It still is: it is.

He's so damn important to me. He has the strongest hold over my heart - and my mind. I'm a puppet with him and he's my puppeteer. I've never minded though; but things change. Why did I let him do it?

Oh that's right, I know exactly why. You love him, Céline.

You're such an idiot for opening up your heart to someone who you knew that doesn't even believe in love. He might 'care' about you, but he'll never love you, the way you love him.

Fuck.

I hate everything right now.

That's a lie, no you don't. Just because Harry doesn't have feelings for you, it's not the end of the world. You have Hazel, Josie, and Lena - even Sage. You don't need a man in you life to make you happy or keep you going.

Yes you do.

~~~

The tears in my eyes suddenly stopped as I got up from my bed. I slowly made my way into the bathroom, digging into a certain cabinet. I pulled out the extra blades that I had stored inside. Carefully I brought it up to my wrist, but stopping just on the surface of my skin.

You don't need to do this.

You don't want to do this.

I do ne-

I don't. You don't have to do this.

He's not worth that. Nothing ever is.

I lowered the blade, throwing it in the trash. Stripping out of my clothes, I turned on the water in my shower, and stepped underneath it.

~~~ (She doesn't self harm)

This time, I couldn't hold the stinging sensation in my eyes, they came down into choking sobs. The purified liquid, fell down onto my naked body, mixing with the salty water escaping my bloodshot red eyes. Vulnerable, sad, and afraid; those were the three emotions that I hadn't felt in the longest time.