Chapter 11: The Reading

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~Eleanor~

I meet the girls in front of the library. It feels weird to be here at night. It's crazy how we think that schools disappear during the night only to reappear in the morning. We imagine this dead building that come to life only when we need them to, when there is actually so much more going on in a school than we think. We felt like gods when we used to go to our old school at night for event, showing off that we knew where everything was to the adults or to the other kids from other schools. We felt so much cooler than them when we actually were nothing more than those other kids. Having a locker somewhere doesn't mean that you own the place.

There is a lot more people than I expected. The rows are almost full. We struggle to find three empty seats, so we end up asking a guy to move a seat to the right to be able to sit together. I don't spot many students from my classes, most of them are at their second or third year in the writing program. Blair and some other guy I don't know are the only freshmen reading tonight. I have never been really good with poems; my thing is more short stories or novels. I always struggle with the rhyming part of poems. I have always enjoyed reading poems and I notice that listening to someone read them out loud heightens the feelings hidden in the lines especially if the reader is also the writer. To me, every poem was amazing, and every reader read beautifully. Blair is in the last ones to go on stage. She looks very nervous as I probably would be if I were in her shoes.

"This is called Treason.

Hidden behind a tree

I wait, and I worry

Where will you be when the sun comes up?

Are not we supposed to be grown-ups?

Playing hide and seek seems a little childish

Blind trust I should have

But here I am torn in half

Pure bliss and comfort I should feel

But here I wonder if we were ever real

To be wrong is all I wish

Hidden behind a tree

I feel a shake in my knee

There you are, free as the wind

Creating goosebumps on her skin

Your smile is gone when your eyes meet mine

Now who is blind?

Her or the girl you left behind?

When you hear me laugh

Now, you're torn in half

No more bliss, no more comfort, it was a sign.

Thank you." Everybody claps. I am still stunned by the pure emotion behind her voice. It was clear that whatever happened hurt her deeply. I can imagine her, hiding behind a tree, waiting for something to happen. This is the beauty of poems. The imagery is always so strong. Vivienne hugs her friend when she sits back beside her. I grab her hand and give it a squeeze with a small smile that she reciprocates. Did I finally see the real and honest Blair? Is she a lot more interesting than she lets people think?

There were less readers than I expected. There are no more volunteers by nine. Since I told Ben I would be back around ten, I agree to join them for coffee at a nearby café. I order a decaf since I would like to sleep tonight. We sit in a corner of the almost empty café.

"That was a great poem B. Very brave of you to read that in public." I nod in agreement. I would like to know what happened for her to write something like that, but I fear that we are not close enough yet.

"Thank you. I just wish she would have heard it." Who is she talking about? Vivienne nods, but I scrunch my eyebrows. Vivienne sees it. She nudges Blair who opens her mouth to speak.

"My ex-boyfriend cheated on me with my cousin, the little slut." I widen my eyes. I never thought I would hear Blair say something like that, she usually uses a very formal level of language.

"Brittany has always been like that. Sleeping with everyone, no matter if they're taken or not." It can't be the same Brittany I met yesterday even if the description fits. I ask Vivienne if she knows her.

"Yeah, of course, I do. She was in our class until she failed math last year and had to take the whole year again." It's her. It has to be her. I feel a little sick to the stomach. She did say that she didn't care if the guy was taken. If she decides to go after Ben, it's not the fact that I exist that will stop her.

"And just last Saturday, at family brunch, she said that she has her eyes on some hockey player named Benji. She added, and I quote: "it's not the prude he calls a girlfriend that will stop me." She is unbelievable." That's me, the prude is me. My heart is beating so fast, I am afraid it might come out of my chest. I can hear every pump of blood in my ears. I force myself to take deep breaths to slow the beating in my chest. They keep talking, but I don't pay attention anymore. My brain is on full speed. I need to talk to Ben. I trust him with all my heart, but who knows what might happened in a bar with the adrenaline of a victory still burning in his veins.

"Ella, you okay?" I come out of my trance when I hear my name. I force a smile and I nod.

"Yeah, I just can't believe someone would break a couple in cold blood like that." They both nod. I finish my coffee in silence, listening to their conversation adding an occasional nod to reassure them that I am listening.

The lights are off when I enter our apartment. I hop into the shower without losing a second. I feel like I have to get rid of that awful feeling, but even the warmest water doesn't erase the thought of my boyfriend kissing that girl. I was so focused on that image that I didn't hear the bathroom door open. I jump when I feel two arms wrap around me under the too warm water. I relax when I feel his strong hands on my belly and the too familiar black ring on his right index finger. His lips press just under my earlobe and I close my eyes. He is here, he is mine and he will never be hers.

"That's way too hot, El. You'll burn yourself." He reaches the faucet and turns the temperature down a little to a more comfortable level. I turn around in his hold. Without even looking at him, I reach up to bring his face to mine, my lips crashing on his with as much force and passion as I can. I want to show him how precious he is to me with this simple kiss. His hands go lower until he settles them on my butt. He gives it a squeeze, our signal that I have to jump into his arms. There we go, this is us. This is what I have missed the most, this feeling of being completely in sync with him. I know every inch of his body by heart just like he knows mine like the back of his hand. I want this moment to last forever just so I can remember the feeling it brings to feel as loved and desired as this. This is what he craved just like me. We needed this. We needed to reconnect. In that moment, everything else disappeared. It was just me and him. It was me remembering how much I love and need this wonderful man. It was him claiming his love for me with every kiss, every touch, every move. "I love you Ben" are the last words I tell him before falling asleep in his arms in our bed. I haven't slept this good in a long time, I haven't been this happy in even longer. I am certain now, no matter what happens to us, we will be just fine.

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