minnow // sirius black

forty-seven

47 :   50/50

Sirius didn't look at me for nearly two weeks.

Everytime he tried, he started to cry.

It was beyond upsetting. I hated seeing Sirius in this much pain. Seeing how much he wanted to talk to me, but literally couldn't... It broke my heart.

But, I understood.

I couldn't imagine how painful it was, to see me every day, knowing that there was a tiny baby inside of me that could die at any moment. To see me every day, knowing that his baby was in so much danger, but there was no way to protect them.

To see me every day, knowing neither of us wanted to risk having another child, but here we were.

He couldn't speak to me for nearly a month. So whenever there was something Sirius needed to know, whether in regards to the wedding, Esme or the pregnancy, I told him. Even if he was in another room, or couldn't look at me.

No matter how hurt I was, I knew Sirius was in just as much pain.

It was driving him crazy to know that there was nothing he could do to protect our baby, or me.

By the end of January, I had scheduled an appointment with Arlo and the OB/GYN. It was for the second Friday of February, as they were extremely concerned for both of our safety. Arlo wasn't sure that my body could handle what happened with Fleamont again. The OB/GYN was concerned that the baby was already in trouble.

I read the letter they had owled back to me, over and over. I read how Arlo expressed his concern over my health, while the OB/GYN, a witch named Genevieve, was beyond concerned about the baby. She iterated that she was mostly concerned that my body was already attacking the fetus. She insisted that she was hopeful, and she'd do whatever she could... but she could not fight off my immune system.

The day before the appointment, I sat on the sofa rereading the letter. Sirius still hadn't actually spoken to me, but he did listen to me. He did reply with short sentences, or nods. He wasn't cold, but he was just distant. It was immensely frustrating.

As I reread the letter, over and over again, I began to cry. I couldn't breath, and it felt like my entire world was crashing around me.

My hormones were wild, and I knew that this was not actually how I would react to this letter had there not been an incredibly insane amount of hormones running through me. I was extremely sensitive, and emotional.

But, within a short amount of time, I was sobbing.

Dean was used to the wild emotions; as his wife was pregnant again as well. He was also there through my entire first pregnancy. He knew that my sobbing was an overreaction to something that I was not actually this upset about. Obviously, I was upset. I was heartbroken, but without the immense pregnancy hormones, I would not be sobbing.

I sounded like my entire family died.

Sirius emerged from Esme's bedroom, our daughter on his hip. She was fussing, and I was certain it was because she could hear me crying.

She didn't like it.

"I'm alright," I said as I struggled for air. "Hormones."

Sirius nodded as he turned to the kitchen.

As I watched them, I managed to get my emotions under wrap. I stopped sobbing, but tears continued to fall from my eyes.

I realized that these weren't caused by my hormones. These tears were real, and they were because I missed Sirius. He was standing directly in front of me, but I missed him.