Chapter 23

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RECAP

I don't know how it happen, but before I knew it, his hand found their way to the back of my neck again and he tickled me more.

I thought that was all it was.

Until he grabbed me by the neck gently and kissed me hard.

Bad thing is: I didn't think twice about responding. And just when I had it all figured out, he had to go and do something like this. Oh, joy.

-Vivian-

As my lips were pressed to his all I felt was the guilt. I pictured Steven looking disappointed, hopeless. I roughly pushed him away. "Rich, what the hell?"

He stumbled back, "I'm sorry, Viv, I don't know where that came from."

I looked down and shook my head in disgust at what just took place. He's hurt me in more ways than one and now this. I didn't feel defensive or hung over him. I felt like I had just cheated on Steven, the guy who, no matter what, was always there for me. I felt disgusted with myself.

Rich took a step closer, "You know what? That's bullshit. I do know where that came from. I should've done this ten years ago."

"Rich, don't." I said shakily.

"I love you. More than any other girl I've ever met. You were always there for me, you understood me, you've dealt with all the shit that I do."

"Just stop." I held my hand up.

"I always took you for granted. I should've noticed you before and I'm sorry. But now, now I realize that I could never love a woman the way I love you." he continued.

"Please tell me you mean like a sister." 

"No, like-like a girl that I couldn't live without. Like a girl that I am desperately in love with." he held my hands in his. "I fuck up all the time and I know you and Steven have some sort of thing, but I want to be the one you cry to, the one you laugh with, and the one who has your heart. Please, please just let me have that." he begged.

The hot tears on my face left a trail of burning acid. After all this time, this is what I've always wanted. But now it didn't even feel right. I shook my head repeatedly. No. It's too late now.

I put my hand on his cheek. "Rich, you've always been the one I cried to and laughed with. And you've always had my heart. For the past decade you've had it. But, I just can't. We can't." I stuttered.

I went to move my hand but he held it tightly. "Why? Why not? We'e always together anyway and everyone's been betting on it. Is it the baby? I'll raise it like my own."

I snatched my hand away. "And you think because everyone expects it that I'll do it? This baby is my top priority. I can't deal with all this now. And the worst part is, you knew." my eyes grew in realization. "You knew I loved you!"

He swallowed and reluctantly nodded, "Yeah, it wasn't very hard to tell." he scratched his head, "I knew you had feelings for me but, I just wasn't ready."

"So you kept me around until you were." I accused.

"No, it's not like that. You were a great friend and I didn't want to ruin that."

I scoffed. "My god! Enough with the cliche excuses. You knew about my feelings and you kept me around because you knew I would stay. You knew that good ol' Vivian will be there for you no matter how many times you fuck up. God, I'm so stupid." I muttered.

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