I See You [REWRITING]

chapter 17: closest thing to magic

The next morning, I showed up to school with a lot on my mind. My conversation with my dad had taken up more time than I expected it to and by the time I got home, I spent the rest of the night getting my photos finished for the month's issue of the paper with the intentions of handing them in first thing in the morning. After that, all my other thoughts were drowned out and replaced with Felix, and only Felix.

"These are wonderful, Stevie," Miss. Arthur smiles as our editor slides the images into place on the front page with Janelle's article. "I appreciate you getting this done for me so quickly."

"It was no problem," I assure her, brushing my fingertips over my bottom lip as the thought of Felix's lips on them flood my memory. The tingling in my toes returning.

Exhaling softly, I pulled out a chair at the common table in the center of the room. Planning to spend my free period in the news room, I set my bag in the empty chair next to me and pull out my notebook ready to ignore my thoughts and continue to run from my problems for as long as I can. Knowing full well I'm causing my own distress, and that I'm truly the only person that can undo any of it.

"There you are!" Robyn's voice echoes after Miss. Arthur leaves to teach her class, leaving me alone in the big empty room. "I knew you were avoiding us."

"Not avoiding you," I shake my head.

"What is this about you kissing Felix?" Isla quizzes, coming in behind her and sitting with me at the table.

"First of all, he kissed me," I correct her.

"Does this mean you two made up?" Isla asks and before I can even answer, Robyn is hitting me with another question.

"What about your talk? How was it?"

"We haven't made up and we never talked," I swallow. "I haven't talked to him since we kissed."

"What are you talking about?" Robyn frowns, sitting on the edge of the table. "I thought you guys were going to talk after he finished practice."

"I ended up leaving," I sigh. "My dad wanted to talk and I got scared, I guess."

"Scared?" Isla raises an eyebrow. "What are you scared of?"

My eyes drop to my hands, resting my elbows on the table and leaning into my palms. "I'm scared of needing him. Of relying on him just so he can break my heart. I'm scared of giving him the power to destroy me."

"Stevie, it's okay to let your guard down every once in a while," she smiles, reaching over to take my hand away from my face. Forcing me to meet her eyes, but she doesn't let go of my hand and instead squeezes it tightly. "Getting your heart broken is all part of the process, and it's scary but it means you might find something great too. Something that's the closest thing to magic."

"I can't," I shake my head, my heart and head playing tug of war with each other. "Isla, you were devastated when you and Miles broke up the first time and every time since."

"Yeah, I was," she nods. "And I'll likely be heartbroken when we break up again, but it's because I love him so much and yeah, it hurts. I felt broken because I depended on him, but guess what? You two picked me back up and put me back together. Every single time."

Robyn nods in agreement, reaching over for my other hand. "And we'll pick you back up too."

With that my fears melt away, my heart swelling knowing that even if things with Felix and me don't work out, at least I have my girls. And I don't know why I ever doubted that I couldn't pick myself back up, because the truth is even if I can't, my friends will be there. They always have been. Through thick and thin, in my highest and lowest points. They were there. Both of them. And this is no different.