The Tales of a Future Hockey Wife

Chapter 27: Waiting Game

~Eleanor~

My breath catches in my throat when I see him lying unconscious in his hospital bed. He looks so fragile compared to his natural confident self. There is a white bandage wrapped around his head that covers a part of his forehead. From the outside, it is the only sign that something went wrong. It's all happening on the inside, I guess. I sit on the chair that was previously occupied by Brittany. I almost wanted to disinfect the chair with antibacterial gel before sitting but I have been petty enough for one evening. I have more important things to deal with anyway like the man in the hospital bed in front of me. I grab his hand that was lying on his abdomen. My head unconsciously drops to his side. I put his hand on my head pretending that he will stroke my hair any seconds now. Tears slowly start escaping my eyes, so slowly that I didn't even notice them until the baby blue sheet is wet under my head. I raise my head abruptly when I hear someone knock on the door that I left ajar, making Ben's hand fall back on the mattress with a small bang. A woman in her forties wearing blue scrubs is standing in the doorway with a small smile on her face. I smile back, and she takes it as an invitation to come in.

"Hi, I am Denise Walker, Benjamin's nurse. You must be Eleanor." She looks and sounds nice. Her voice is soft like she is afraid she interrupted a moment. I wipe my tears as I nod. My voice shakes when I asked her what's going on with Ben.

"He hit his head pretty hard on the ice. We did a scan that revealed a mild concussion. We'll keep him overnight, but he'll go home tomorrow," she stops to look at her watch. "He should wake up soon enough. Please call me when he does. You just have to press the red button over there, okay love?" Love. The only person who calls me that is my dad. Hearing the nickname makes the tears start flowing faster down my cheeks. Nurse Denise puts her hand on my shoulder and presses it. I cover my eyes with my hand to hide my tears from her. If she knew that all of this was my fault, she wouldn't be so nice to me.

"He'll be okay, darling. Just a rough patch, but he'll be fine. He looks like a strong man." Is that what they teach at nursing school when it comes to inconsolable girls crying in a room of a patient not in serious danger? I nod since I very well know that his injury is not life-threatening, but the movement seems to be too brutal because I can feel my earlier nausea coming back. I quickly get up from my seat, and head towards the bathroom door I  spotted when I walked in the room. Nurse Denise being the healthcare professional that she is immediately follows me. She sets foot in the bathroom as I kneel down on the floor in front of the toilet. I instantly regret the bowl of pasta I had at dinner. If I had had a smaller dinner, maybe it would hurt less right now. I feel Nurse Denise's hand on my back, rubbing circle, but I can't hear the words she says to me. My ears are filled with a high-pitched noise I think is called a tinnitus. It happens to me sometimes, mostly in stressful situations. I think this qualifies.

When the waves of nausea finally stop, I sit back on my heels on the cold bathroom tiles, my eyes still full of tears.

"Are you okay, love?" I almost want to tell her to stop calling me that, but I don't have the strength and she has been so nice, I don't want to sound rude. I nod while I try to form a coherent sentence in my head.

"Yeah, it's just-" I stop to grab the glass of water and the basin she hands me. I take a sip of water that I immediately spit in the basin. It helped. My mouth feels somewhat normal again. "It's been happening a lot lately, the nausea, the throwing-up." It's her turn to nod. She looks deep in thought as she eyes me from head to toe. She stops at my abdomen sighing.

"Since when do you know?" she says softly. I raise my shoulders, not understanding what she means. "That you're pregnant, love." Not that again! I thought I had cleared up that subject. I tell her that I am not pregnant with all the details. I haven't missed a pill and all.

"Don't take me for a fool, darling. I worked in an OB-GYN office for fifteen years in Haiti before I immigrated here. I know a pregnant woman when I see one." I lower my eyes, avoiding her intense stare. "I never did a test," is all I am able to say before feeling the tears flood back into my eyes. Nurse Denise moves to sit closer to me wrapping her arm around my shoulders. 

"You know, Eleanor, the great thing about this country is that you have options. I met many girls your age in my country who didn't have any." I nod, feeling the tears stream down my cheeks.

"Right now, you have two options. You either do the test and you know what you are dealing with or you wait. You'll get your answer soon enough." She is right. I know she is right. It's just that as long as I don't know, it stays an abstract concept. I don't know if I am ready for it to become real yet. I guess I just don't have a choice anymore.

"I want to wait for Ben. I'll do the test when Ben is awake." I see her nod from the corner of my eye. She doesn't tell me that it's not good to put such a stress on a patient with a concussion, but I know she isn't thrilled about my answer. I can almost see her thinking about what she'll have to do if Ben's state gets worse because I freaked him out. She still has a kind smile as, we both get up and go back into the room where Ben is still laying unconscious. I sit in the chair I occupied moments ago while Nurse Denise finally does what she came here to do. She plants herself in front of me before leaving the room.

"I have to go check on my other patients, but call me if you need anything of if mister is awake, okay?" I nod, and she smiles. Her smile is very comforting. She has a motherly smile, and it's exactly what I needed right now.

I grab Ben's hand again, this time only rubbing my thumb on his cold skin to warm it up. The repetitive gesture calms me. I think I end up falling asleep because the next thing I know is that I feel a pressure on my head. Next thing, I feel fingers entwining themselves into strands of my hair while a groan breaks the silence.