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Review by Rrc: Across the Wildlands

Title: Across the Wildlands

Author: pictureXthisX

Reviewer: rrc_loves_donuts

First of all, please do mention in the summary that 'Across the Wildlands' is the book one of an oncoming series. I read the whole book just like you asked me to and at the last chapter (not the epilogue) I was like, "That's it?" and then I see you mention that it is just the ending of book one. It's kind of trolling, if you ask me.

Summary: 3/5

I like to think that the summary is the most important step in the process of writing a book. It has to be captivating, alluring, and must leave the readers filled to the brim with curiosity. In the case of fantasy books, the summary should be packed with depth and mystery. I think your summary lacked that kind of suffocating depth. 

The dramatic sentences can be structured differently to make them memorable statements. 

"The Achilles would not accept their end so willingly" (as written in your present summary).

It could be re-written as," The Achilles would not let their existence be so easily shoved into history/ the past"

Then again, the last line needs to be very dramatic. I always suggest a title reference and you already used that but, I think that somehow, it ended up being a bit awkward.

Just play around with the title reference and try to put more stress on it.

I would suggest something along the line of the following:

"She could see herself trapped in a maze of buried secrets and unanswered questions and all she knew, was that the exit lied across the Wildlands."

Absence of Errors: 5/5

Well I saw one or two but they're barely noticeable to one.

Plot Holes: 4/5

I would say there were many, had it not been stated that the book was only the first part of a series. I do think that you should've left a few subtle hints so that the readers could visualize the characters and scenes in their heads. Also, some flashbacks of how her life was when she was with Cicero's family would make the readers more understanding of their characteristics.

Character Development: 5/5

Even from the start, the characters were very steady. I specifically love the realism of Alex's character. She reminds me of how I would have turned out to be if I was in her place. She is the exact example of how a girl would be if she is protected from the dangers by being fed lies. 

She tries to find happiness in things at the beginning, often cracking small jokes. At times of test, she panics and depends on others. It's a slow process of her becoming courageous, but it happens at the right pace.

Writing Style: 3/5

From what I gathered, you have the talent to make one feel with the words. You use the perfect words for the occasion but I think that you're not using the talent enough. 

I've mentioned the fact before that you tend to give a very detailed description of everything. Its just that, you describe the situation whereas you need to describe the emotions. Fantasy books like yours need a lot of emotion for the depth to be felt. I feel as if you can do that, but going that much into emotions just isn't your style. 

I suggest that you go into all those crucial moments and insert lines that describe how the characters feel. An overload of emotions only makes it better.

Another thing that I noticed, was that you didn't quite skip the fights and try to keep it light (that's a good thing, just in case you were wondering).

I also liked those small bits of information of that the chapters started out with at the beginning though you kind of stopped including them halfway into the book. I just think that including them brings a more professional vibe.

Most of all, it's very organised. The plots of fantasy books are quite hard to organise in my opinion. You managed to make the whole concept of the keepers, designations, avoiders, patrolmen perfectly in line so that they link and not crash with each other.

Ending: 4/5

First of all, congratulations on completing the book! Fantasy books tend to get very serious at the ends and many people prefer to leave it there. Most people (and by most people, I mean me) stop writing their books after 3 to 4 chapters. 

The ending was not that predictable to me because very less information was provided about the designations' families. 

I must say that the way Gianna said 'yes' at the end was very dramatic but I feel as if you should've ended it with a bigger suspense. 

I remember when we had this movie in my country that had such a common, cliché plot but still ended up being the biggest blockbuster just because it had this massive cliff-hanger / question that left people on the edge of their seat for almost 2 years. 

There still are hundreds of questions, like, what or who is the Achilles? Are the designations born with those numbers tattooed on them? Or do they get it afterwards? What are the advantages of them being a half-robot? I still think that a massive cliff-hanger like a betrayal or some dark secret ( probably Cicero's) would have done the job perfectly.

OVERALL SCORE: 24/30

Overall, it was a great read and i hope that you find my review helpful. To be brutally honest, the main reason that you aren't getting enough views is that most people on wattpad are just interested in rom-coms. Just wait for some time, I'm sure that you'll get the recognition that you deserve. I would've mentioned you to my followers but you have more than mine so......

(Inner voice- when will you stop embarrassing yourself?)

Ahem.

Anywayyyyyy, any insight on when the book two will be released?