12. butterflies and harshness

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I am exhausted

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I am exhausted. I feel like I'm about to fall apart. Daniella, on the other hand, is still trying to get onto her pointe. For the past 4 hours, it's been "Do it again." Resolving in me doing the same thing over and over again for 4 hours straight, while she's been trying it. I did try to make her not do it since I didn't want her to start with the pointes yet. But she's damn stubborn. She isn't even wearing pointe shoes so she's only standing on the ball of her foot.

She didn't let me help her either. As soon as I tried to help her or persuade her into doing another move she would say she'd tell Uncle Cola that I said he was a jerk. When I asked her where she learned that word from she said she heard Jackson call Sir a jerk all the time, resolving in Jackson getting a bruise on the stomach according to her.

It's now 5 PM and she's still just as energetic. I just want to do a different move before my muscles get too used to doing this over and over again, resolving in me walking that way. I don't think Sir would appreciate that very much.

"Braelyn go agai-" She starts but gets cut off when the door opens. I quickly turn around to see James entering the room with a huge smile on his face. "DAD!" She yells happily and runs into his arms as he crouches down. I smile widely at their bond. I can recognize myself at this moment, getting so happy when my dad got home from work.

"My little sweetie pie." He exclaims and kisses her cheek several times. My happy smile slowly turns into a sad one at the thought of fatherly cheek kisses and belly tickles. My eyes sting as tears try to surface, but I push them back. No need to cry in front of them. "Did you have fun with Braelyn?"

"Yes! She taught me a new move, look!" She giggles, and steps back from him. She does the step I did hurriedly, not really able to stay on the ball of her foot that long. James grins widely and claps his hands.

"That was so good Dani. With some extra practice, I bet you can do it better than Braelyn." He smiles and winks up at me. I giggle and pet Daniella's head quickly.

"She's already better then I was when I first learned it at 9 years old. My mother taught me at a young age but didn't want me to go too fast into it." I say and smile at her. She grins and looks up at me. Her bun is pretty messy now too.

"What's your mommy's name?" She asks with a small smile on her face. She's tilting back and forth now again, making her look even more adorable. I sigh and crouch down to her.

"My mom's name was Keri," I say and hold her hand a little. James looks down at me as he stands behind Daniella. He sends me a small and sad smile, making me look back down at the little girl in front of me.

"Where is your mommy?" She asks me curiously. I send her a small smile and look at the ground while I run my thumb over the palm of her hand. How should I tell her my mom's throat was slit right in front of me.

Wow... straight forward I guess. But just don't give her details you... sad... dumb bitch...

"My mom is not with us anymore," I say and look back up at Daniella. I think she understands what I mean when she puts her hand on my cheek. She sends me a sweet smile, rubbing my cheek.

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