Anxiety • part 2

13 • tense

It has been absolutely amazing to have both our families here but for the past two weeks, we haven't been able to go out without them. So it might sound bad, but I looked forward to going on a date and it just being the two of us tonight.

We were supposed to go on a group date tomorrow night and Calum was going to join us alone but now we're invited to his place. Apparently he had something to tell us which he couldn't do at a restaurant. He's being mysterious as hell about it but we've all been guessing to what it could be.

The amount of friends I have here is still very limited and Crystal has offered to introduce me to her friends and to take me out and help me make new friends but she still hangs out with Ashton's ex 70% of the time so that wasn't the smartest plan either.

So now we're back to having to find friends on my own, which isn't that easy.

"Are you ready to go pick them up?" Ashton asked as he walked back into the living room. He had woken me up from my thoughts so I needed a second to realise what he was talking about.

"Yeah, let's go." I got up and took my phone from the table before following him to the front door. It was still so early but they both had an early flight and we wanted to say a last goodbye at the airport.

I wasn't going to let my mom and Jackie take a cab to the airport so we were going to pick them up and then follow Ashton's family to the airport. It was going to be a sad goodbye but it had to be done.

I'm living here now, without them. I'm almost 27 now, it's time to start growing up and let go of them slowly.

We got in the car and we were both silent as we drove to the hotel.

"Will this ever get easier?" I asked him and he kept his eyes on the road, not even moving a single muscle before stopping the attempt to stay strong and shaking his head.

"I've been doing this for years and no, it never gets easier. Missing them gets easier during the inbetween periods but once you've got them, the feeling when you see them get on a plane or have to get on a plane yourself never gets easier." He said as he placed his hand on my thigh. I placed my hand on his and he seemed to relax by my touch.

I have never seen him like this before. He was tensed, holding back any feeling in his voice and didn't dare to look at me whenever we stopped at a red light.

"We could always extend our holiday with a week and go see them." I suggested and he shook his head, "seeing them more often makes it worse, doesn't it?"

"I should have never asked you to come here." He said as he pulled his hand away.

I just laughed at what he said, "remember when I tried to break up with you in London? Because I didn't want to drag you down with me." I asked and he nodded. "I'd rather be here and miss them than be in London and miss you."

"That's cute." He said and finally a grin came on his face and amusement in his voice. "You're cute."

"I know" I replied with a smile as I looked at him. "We both chose to do this, we didn't force eachother into it so maybe it's time to stop feeling guilty for things we didn't do."

"Then stop feeling guilty for being here in LA with me last summer instead of with him. It happened, you can't change it and you didn't kill him by doing that."

His reply definitely took me back and made me shut up.

"I'm sorry, that came out a lot faster than I expected." He was quick to apologise for what he just bluntly said. He didn't mean to say it, I could see that in his face but he still said it.