A Complicated Completion

s i x t e e n- stop talking about Con

T O M M E N

I think I've told you about my favourite time of the school day a million times already. But I love lunch.

I sat on our table, waiting for the rest to arrive. The weekends activity's spinning in my head, the club and then bringing her back to mine.

I should really be angry at Athena for letting her get that trollied, but I'm not because then she wouldn't have spent the day in my house. I'm evil I know but still.

Her and Athena approached the table, smiling and giggling. Karim and Vin weren't here yet, and the day just seemed right.

"I don't think I properly said thank you," she said quietly as Athena was shooing away her yes men.

"Ah, you showed it," she smiled as I put my arm around her shoulders and began to eat my chips. Athena's eyes widened, I knew Eliza was going to get a battering of questions when the bell rang.

With a thump, Karim and Vin finally showed up, arguing about something. They turned to me, to be a tie breaker, and I just shook my head holding my hands up in mock surrender. If you ever get to know Karim and Vin, here's some advice don't get involved in their arguments unless you're up for world war three.

I think it's because Karim lives here in the real world, but it's his idea of the real world. Literature, art, philosophy, politics. He's articulate and on the next level of socially aware, I'm ½ convinced he's psychic.

Vin lives in the land of dreams, where people speak in verse and sonnets and his vision his impressionistically painted. But he's got so mainly responsibilities, his "real word" is gangs and drugs, he is in a constant change of dreams and harsher realities. So he lives in his dreams when around us.

So ultimately they have clashes of ideologies. Karim's insane intellect, that's only not astonishing due to his removal from people who aren't in the highest tax bracket. Versus, Vins dreams and harsher realities. Ergo, they argue a lot, about stupid things and important things. So just don't get involved, alright?

Lunch time was more enjoyable than normal probably because she was close to me the whole time. Her head rested on my shoulder as I squeezed the top of her arms through the blue blazer.

As we were walking out of the dinner hall, it was routine on Mondays for us boys to go to out as we had no afternoon lessons.

But today we opted for just sitting on the school field as Karim pretended to be Mo Salah, kicking balls into the net.

"So you and Eliza hey?" Karim started.

"Yeah," I wanted to sound unbothered like player me, not because I don't care about her but I've always been iffy about showing what I care about. Most people use it against you.

"I dunno T," Vin said, something was clearly going through his mind, although I had no idea what.

"Don't start Vin, she's good for him," Karim squeezes my cheeks like a grandma and went back to bending it like Beckham.

"I just mean Constance..."

"Can we just stop talking about Con, not everything's about her. Eliza doesn't even fucking know her, so don't start to compare them Vin, Eliza's not like her at all," my words were probably more edged than I would have liked them to be, but Constance just makes me pissed.

"Woah." Karims eyes were full of shock, after all this time of him wanting me to hate her it was so alien for me to sound like I do. But I will say over and over again, I don't hate her, I couldn't ever hate her.

"Fück off T. Don't talk bout her like that," his Dutch accent coming through more heavily as he tried to conceal his anger, "I'm happy she makes you happy, but she's got a lot of baggage."

"I'm sorry, it's just Con makes me feel some kind of way."

"I get it. She makes me feel that same kind of way."

Vins words were laced in remorse and regret, he wanted her so badly then again so did I. I'm starting to move on right? Why does someone who doesn't even care about us anymore still control us.

Constance is a plague set upon Vin and I. She will end one of us one day. I loved her and so did he and she loved nobody. But she's still the person I want to see everyday, she's hypnotic, she has ruined my heart for anyone.

Eliza isn't Con, she likes me and I like her. I can feel Constance's shadow hanging over us, everytime I kiss Eliza's lips I don't hear Con, or see her, or wish Eliza was her. But when the night gets dark, and I can't play anymore songs and I'm finally left with just my thoughts, Con creeps in.

I remember all the bliss we shared. Her velvety voice telling me lies of, "I love you," while she was playing me behind my back.

Constance wanted two things status and money, she got one from me and another from Vin, even though we technically both and the two. I should loathe her for taking my heart, and using my name. Vin should loathe her too for taking his heart and spending his money. Yet neither of us do.

Constance is the siren that could be oceans away but still when it is so silent you can here your blood coursing through your veins I hear her gentle songs. Pulling me into a rocky shore to leave me shipwrecked.

I loved her, before Eliza I would have said I love her. That 'd' has been placed there unknowingly by Eliza. My brain is truly fücked, I'm sitting here picking at grass with meaningless conversation and banter floating between Vin and Karim, and I'm thinking of the girl that broke my heart and the girl that's going to break it next.