Blanket Of Stars | jensoo

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sooo how did y'all feel about ghost sex? 😳

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If I didn't know that it was impossible, I would have sworn that I almost fell asleep that night. Being with Jennie however I wanted to be and being as close as I wanted to be without my usual physical reaction, was indescribable.

For the past few hours, I haven't spoken to her much. I give her my smiles of reassurance and my hands caress when she walks past, but I don't know what to say. We're in her room. I'm sitting on the floor leaning against the wall and Jennie is sitting on the bed next to her mother.

Her parents arrived home yesterday morning after I assume the police got in contact with them. I couldn't look at their faces when they walked through the front door. I didn't want to see their grief. They could have been better parents, no question about it, but they could have also been worse.

Jennie is sitting close to her mother, her head is leaning in toward her shoulder and she doesn't look like it's hurting her at all. Mrs. Kim looks at a picture of Jennie that has been in her room for months. She's sitting on the beach at sunset, candidly smiling at someone out of view. The picture is lifted and brought closer to her face. I see her smile faintly and trace the edge of Jennie's face in the photograph.

I expected Jennie to cry at least once with her parents, but that hasn't happened. She's looked upset but no tears have formed. I don't know what's going through her mother's head, how could I? She isn't crying. I didn't hear her cry all day yesterday, either. She's been like this ever since I finally dared to look at her last night.

When Jennie was with her father, I told Mrs. Kim that I was sorry. I was so sorry.

A kiss is placed on the photograph and it's put back in its resting place before she takes a deep breath and leaves the room. I take her mother's place on the bed and let Jennie lean her head against my shoulder, I take her hand without thinking and hold it with my own.

"I'm okay," she says without me having to ask.

"It's okay if you're not," I remind her.

"I know." Her hand applies a little more pressure to my own.

"I need to ask you something," I begin softly, "But I don't want you to take it the wrong way, all right?"

"Yeah, okay," she acquiesces

I lean toward her a little more, pressing us closer together. "Why did you decide to do it when you did?"

"Because I needed you," she replies seriously.

"But you said you would wait."

Her head nods briefly in agreement. "That was before Nayeon, Jisoo." She exhales softly. "And I know you're thinking that it was a huge risk to take, but I just knew, Jisoo. I knew I'd be able to be like this with you."

I open my mouth to speak when she cuts in softly. "Don't say that we could have found a way because you know there wasn't one. There was never a way. It doesn't hurt when you're close to anyone else, and it doesn't hurt when I sit close to my Mom or my Dad, it was just something between us." She runs her thumb across the smooth skin of my hand. "I swear to you, I haven't regretted it, not even for a second. Okay?"

"What about your parents, Jennie?" I ask her quietly, feeling terrible for them and not being able to imagine how losing a child would change you forever.

"We'll take care of them. They'll be okay Jisoo, I know they will."

I rest my head on top of hers, seeking comfort. "I don't know what to say. I didn't have to do any of this." I didn't have to console grieving parents.