wind and dark hair

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running down the hill with a boy who you hardly know anything about is scary. it's also beautiful. and if anyone asked i would tell them that i never felt more alive than in that moment. we ran for what felt like seconds but was probably minutes before coming to a stop
"i'm going to a concert this weekend" he said while lighting up a cigarette
"well i day going to one, im i mean my band are performing at a pub you should come"
giggling i replied
"what makes you so sure i care?"
"oh babe i KNOW you care"
"and what makes you so sure?" i said looking him dead in the eye
his hand went up in the air, his cigarette in the other and he struck a pose
"coz i'm matty healy and you're gracey"
"you don't even know my last name and your point being?"
"we have known eachother for less than 4 days BUT BUT BUT i already feel like i know you, you know?"
"last name?"
"tell me" he said
"caren" i told him
"i love it" he grinned at me
"are you okay there matty?" i asked between laughing fits
"i'm great babe, on top of the world"
laughing i pulled out my phone to see a voice mail from lia
"sorry i wasn't at college baby, i will be tomorrow so meet me in the morning for the bus. we need to talk about lover boy, kisses"
smiling i shoved my phone in my bag and returned to focus on matty who was now layer on a bench
"so why don't we get the bus together tomorrow?" he asked
"i'm getting it with my friend lia ... we could all get it?"
"sounds like a plan, my mates from the band will be there too"
"can't wait, maybe i'll like them unlike you"
"cheeky sod" he said half shoving me, inhaling the last of his cig he said
"let's get you home"
he picked his guitar up and started to walk briskly, we were in late march so sunset was getting later. we still had light.
"i love the air when it's like this" i said breathing deeply
"me too, it's fucking beautiful"
we walked in comfortable silence for the next couple minutes before i turned to matty to say
"i will come to your concert actually"
he smiled and simply said
"told you didn't i babe"
laughing i spoke
"this is me, this is my house"
"not gonna invite me in?" he said with a wink
shoving him away i laughed opening the door
"in your dreams healy, in your dreams"
i turned to look at him before i closed the door and he started in my eyes
"see ya round" he said breaking the beautiful gaze and walking away with his guitar in one hand and other shoved in his pocket
"yeah see you around" i whispered into the cool night

heading upstairs to my room i was greeted by kian
"and where have you been little sis"
"out"
"lia?" he asked gently, lia was a touchy subject for him because they use to briefly date
"no actually um, a boy"
he looked anxious like he was choosing words as to not hurt me
"a boy?"
"yeah i met him the other night, he's called matty"
"healy?"
"yeah, you know him?"
"he's the same age as me, we went to school together. kids talented but fucked up"
"fucked up?"
"he went through some shit in school, but he had a band are they still a thing?"
"yeah yeah they are, what shit?"
"he date this girl, gemma, for a while but they really fucked eachother up and he got involved with drugs and deep shit, but then he met gabby and she really fixed him"
"his ex" i whispered
"they broke up?" i nodded
"man i didn't see that coming, he must be torn up"
suddenly i felt guilt, was he struggling? had i missed every sign?
"just remember ... if he is bad, it's not up to you to save him. it's really not grace"
i simply nodded in agreement before heading for my room. i threw my bag on the floor and it's off my jacket and shoes. i sat on the edge of my bed replaying everything kian had said for hours.

10pm

it was late at night when i'd managed to love myself from the feral postition i'd been in for hours. depression had me captive today. i walked to the shower to rid myself of the day. cleaning my hair and body helped me feel more at ease. after my shower i slipped into my black shorts and short sleeved nike top before diving into bed, desperate for sleep

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