SLOW BURN

4. old phone

Back in high school, Josh and I were inseparable...at least for my freshman and sophomore year. I met him on the very first day of high school. As most freshmen, I was nervous about fitting in. Nobody wanted to be lonely. Josh made everything better. He was a sophomore so he knew his way around the school. He knew the teachers. He knew the best spot to have lunch was on the bench under a big tree in the football field. We would help each other with our homework. We would hang out after school. I would go to his baseball games. He was my best friend. The first real friend I ever had.

Things changed when Brad and I started going out. I knew who Brad was before we met. I knew he was Josh's little brother and that he was in the same year I was and that he was one of the cool kids. I started hanging out with Brad when we ended up in the same Calculus class junior year. He asked me out shortly after the year started and I said yes of course, because who says no to one of the cutest guys in school? Soon, everyone knew I was Brad's girlfriend.

I will always hate myself for not noticing when I started to lose Josh as a friend. It didn't happen suddenly but it happened quickly. I began to hang out more with Brad, less with Josh, until Josh and I didn't even talk at all. Before I knew it, we were strangers and awkward around each other. I wondered many times if it was because it bothered him that I started going out with his brother. I imagined that was the reason. I also wished he would of told me. Our friendship meant a lot to me and I would have understood. I mean it would have been weird if Josh started going out with my sister. I don't think I would like it. Even now.

I've always wished I would have done things differently. Maybe tried to speak with Josh back then before we stopped talking. Or made more time for us. I would have done anything to keep him as a friend but I also had some dignity. Josh didn't seem like he wanted to keep being my friend. I did what I could. I wished we would have stayed friends but that wasn't the case and the silence in the truck as he drives me home right now proves it.

If we were still friends, I would be telling him about what happened with Brad. I would also be asking him about his experiences in the past eight years. We would stay up all night talking. We wouldn't be sitting here in an awkward silence. The tension between us is heavy and impossible to ignore.

"You're gonna make a right at the light." I tell him quietly as we approach my street.

He nods but doesn't say anything. When he turns, I direct him to my apartment complex. He parks and shuts the ignition. I find myself in another car sitting with an Andrews' brother for the second time tonight.

"Thank you, Josh," I say without looking at him. Then I reach out and open the door to get out.

"Natalie, wait."

I stop and turn around. Josh is standing in front of his father's truck. He hesitates. "Are you going to be alright?"

I nod and try to smile as reassurance. "I'll be fine."

He takes a step forward and then he half smiles, making him look like the Josh I used to know. "It's really good to see you again. I'm sorry it's under these circumstances."

I feel my body relax a bit. Okay. So he doesn't hate me. "It's okay, it's not your fault. I'm glad you're home."

"You sure you're gonna be alright?" He asks again.

I smile then shake my head. "No. I-" I bite my lip. "I probably won't be for a while."

He nods at my raw honesty then he takes a few more steps forward until he's in front of me. "Would it be alright if I called you to check up on you? I won't call every day, I promise."

My stomach tingles at his words. The way he's looking at me makes me feel like he actually does care about me. "Okay."

"Is your number the same?"