I See You [REWRITING]

chapter 20: quotes

When the game is over, my fingertips are numb in anticipation of what comes next. In less than thirty minutes, my whole family is going to be in one room with their sole focus being on Felix and though he says he's not nervous about being the center of attention. I'm nervous for him. Or nervous for myself.

At this point I can't really tell the difference.

All I know is Felix is about to be under investigation and my chest is running in circles, ready to explode in fear. I'm instantly regretting all of this, even though I know it's something I want but my fear is turning into something else. Something I can't explain because there aren't enough words to describe it.

My head is starting to throb as the minutes drag on and Felix still hasn't shown up. The time passing has me picking at my chipped nail polish. Everyone else is here, sitting at the kitchen table waiting for the one person that still hasn't shown up and in the back of my head I'm beginning to worry he may never show.

I know it's irrational. That I shouldn't be afraid he won't come. He said he will be here and I'm done thinking the worst. And yet, here I am – thinking the worst.

"Are you sure he knows it's tonight?" Riker asks, turning the direction of the conversation to me and the empty chair next to me.

"Yes, he knows," I roll my eyes in annoyance before swallowing my pride and repeating myself. "He knows."

"I'm sorry, little bird," dad frowns next to me, resting his hand on my shoulder. "It's better you find out now before you get in too deep."

"He's coming!" I groan and jump up to my feet, turning towards the living room at the front of the house. "He's just running late, okay? Give it a little longer."

"Vee, hang on," Robyn gets up from the table and follows me. "He's going to show, I promise."

"What if he doesn't?" I ask. "What if I've been making a fool of myself over him and he's just been playing me this whole time?"

"First of all, you need to calm down," she stops in front of me, resting her hands on either side of me with a small smile. "Take a deep breath."

Inhaling slowly, I squeeze my eyes shut and slowly let the air leave my lungs.

"Good, now you need to give Felix the benefit of the doubt," she insists and squeezes my arms tightly. "He's going to show. He's a good guy and you need to stop finding every reason in the book you can to run from him. He's late. It happens, but that doesn't mean you need to jump to conclusions."

"I'm scared, Robyn," I whisper the honest truth out, my chest tighter than usual.

"What are you scared of?" She asks.

"Being vulnerable with him," I swallow. "Letting him in and giving him my heart. I know it's insane to be thinking that way right now but I've watched the two people that have made me believe in love almost throw it all away and for what? I don't want to just be a person in passing."

"Okay, I need you to listen to me," she tells me softly, bring her hands down into mine and giving them a tight squeeze. "Felix would be crazy to not fall for you. You're the most amazing person I know, Stevie and you care so much about everyone else but you need to calm down. You're setting yourself up to fail because you think that's what's going to happen."

"How do you know it's not going to happen?" I ask.

"I don't," she shakes her head. "But I know love. I've seen what it's done when it's toxic, like with my parents and what it's done when it's lonely like your parents. I've seen what it's like when it's so pure it makes everything else seem less important like with Riker and Lena. And I've seen the way Felix has looks at you. I've known him for three years, Vee. Yeah, not great but in passing and games. He's never been with anyone in all that time and he looks at you with such adoration that I'm actually jealous."