The Tales of a Future Hockey Wife

Chapter 37: Blame

~Ben~

She got a haircut, probably from Olive. I was never the type of guy who doesn't notice these kinds of things and Eleanor was never the type of girl who would care if I didn't notice. I never understood how a guy couldn't see that his girlfriend now had blonde highlights in her brown hair or that is was significantly shorter. The only time I didn't was when she had only cut an inch of her long curly hair which is, in my opinion, understandable. Even now, when her hair is in a high ponytail, I can see that it's shorter. She even got highlights, making her brown hair seem lighter. I am as always struck by her beauty. No matter how bad we are arguing right now, she will always be the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. Even with her eyes filled with tears or in her pink pajamas, she is stunning.

We have been staring at each other for about five minutes now, waiting for someone to speak. I'm waiting for her to answer my question, I have no idea what she's waiting for. I have to retain myself from wiping the tears that keep falling down her cheeks. I hate to see her cry, and I hate even more that I had something do to with those tears. Finally, she opens her mouth to speak.

"I love you Ben, more than anything. I'm sorry I couldn't bear to spend that time with you, but you have to understand." Hearing her say the words puts a balm on my heart that doesn't stay there for a long time.

"Understand what? Why you had to go halfway across the country to think? Just tell me why you didn't just spend the night at Blair's or Vivienne's." She lowers her eyes, more tears falling down her cheeks.

"I couldn't. I don't think we'll ever be friends again." I can't say I'm upset about that, I never liked those girls especially Blair and the way she has to never use contractions when she speaks. I don't honestly believe that Eleanor doesn't find it annoying. I tell her something that sounds like that but regret it when anger covers her features as soon as the word leave my mouth.

"And that's exactly the problem! You just don't care about what happens to me, do you? You want me to show up to everything, but you never have to make any efforts, Ben. That's not how it works!" We are seriously back to that? I thought we had fixed this issue last time.

"I made efforts! What do you think me buying the tickets was?" We are back to raising our voices with each sentence.

"You wanted to drag us into your world. It's always the same thing Ben. We have to adapt to you. If I would have invited you to a reading in London with them last weekend, what would you have said?" I open my mouth to say that I couldn't have gone because of hockey, but she cuts me. "Forget about hockey, pretend it doesn't exist. What would you have said?" The first thing that pops into my mind is that I would never agree to spend a weekend with Blair, but I can't say that since it proves her point a little too well. Instead, I mumble something about how excited I would have been, but she doesn't buy it. She knows me too well to buy that lie.

"I just don't like them, El. I just don't, but that doesn't mean I don't care about what you do." This is true, I am in awe whenever I read something she writes, but I always feel dumb or irrelevant when I compare what I do to what she does. Putting a puck in a goal seems futile when I read some of the works she's done.

"The thing in London was real. Remember my love analogy?" I nod, and she continues. "Well I won the contest, and the prize was an all-expense paid trip to London for the finale, but I didn't tell you because I was sure that your reaction when I would have told you about me inviting the girls would have demoralized me." This confession angers me more than anything else, so I use my best defense. The one argument I thought I would never actually have to use.

"You know I chose this team because of you? No, I chose it for you." She looks surprised, but I continue. "Yep, before accepting their offer I made sure they had a university with a great writing program and I pushed for you to get the scholarship, so don't tell me I don't support you because we both know that's not true." I had planned on never telling her this. I wanted to keep it to myself, for a reason I am not even sure of anymore. We're just throwing things we know will hurt the other at this point. We have gotten very good at this game over the years.

At the Midget AAA gala almost three years ago, I went backstage after Mr. Freeman called out my name to find many coaches waiting to speak to me. Six of the twelve teams wanted me on their team. The Spitfires had the chance to call me up on stage since they were the best ranking team who wanted to draft me, but teams all over Canada wanted me. The Quebec Remparts, the Saskatoon Blades, and the Kamloops Blazers to name a few. I didn't want to move to Quebec since neither of us speak a word of French, and none of the other teams offered Eleanor a scholarship to a university with a writing program, and I knew how important it was to her, so I chose Windsor. Even if it was all the way across the country, I knew it was the best option for us. And I never regretted it, even now.

As soon as the words leave my mouth, her face falls. "You did what?" she says her voice as soft as a cloud.

"You heard right. I decided to come here for you." Even if I try, I can't calm myself down. Her leaving without saying anything angers me too much. I just want to make her feel as bad as possible about her actions, and I hate myself for it.

It's with tears in her eyes that she locks herself in the bedroom.

***
1k!! Thank you all so much xx