Fallen Angels (UNEDITED)

LXXVII

I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
~ blink-182, I Miss You

Erik's POV

I take a deep breath of the warm desert air.

I had woken up early like any other day, but this time something feels different.

A familiar feeling.

Something I haven't felt in a while.

I try to push the feeling away.

It is the darkness that encircles me.

That dark cold feeling that I battle with everyday.

But this morning it feels different for some reason like it is stronger.

I stick my hand into the pocket of my hoodie and pull the pack of cigarettes out, taking one between my fingers and lighting the white stick.

I really should quit this habit.

As the feeling of nicotine enters my system that thought is flushed out by the drug.

Addiction.

Something I know all too well, something I have to battle.

Something that has been a battle on this tour.

So many parties and drinking going on, so much temptation.

I saw what did it to my mother, what it almost did to me.

Fucking dumb and reckless teenager thinking he was invincible and nothing could touch him.

That's how I landed my ass in the hospital with a pumped stomach.

That was the only time I drank.

I couldn't do it after seeing my cousin in the beside me getting her stomach pumped too and the look on my aunt's face when they rolled us into the emergency department.

She was on shift that night, working a double.

Scarlett had told her we were hanging out at home and that we would probably get some pizza, next thing I knew we were at her loser of a boyfriend's house with jungle juice in our cups.

The look of horror that masked her face, something I hadn't seen since she had picked me up at the police station.

But even then she hadn't looked so... scared.

She looked at us like we were on the brink of death.

Being the addictions and mental health nurse at that ER she must have known what that meant for her two fucked up kids.

A long and strenuous journey, because she knew that Scarlett's father and my mother were both addicts, something that could be easily passed onto us.

And had been.

I had vowed that night never again.

I couldn't put myself or my aunt through that again.

Even when times got tough and my body craved for a glass.

I let out the smoke I was holding in my lungs, letting it burn me from the inside.

I don't even muster a cough as oxygen soon replaces the tainted air.

"Erik?" A sleepy voice calls out to me.

I look up to see Avril dressed in a pair of spandex and one of my crewnecks from the band with a messy bun barely keeping any hair in it.

Looking like an angel nonetheless.

"What are you doing up, it's five in the morning?" I open my arms as she moves towards me, keeping close to the bus and the little light from it guiding her path.

"I got up to pee and you weren't in your bunk, did you have a nightmare?" She yawns and buries her head in my chest.

"No, I just couldn't sleep." I feared for what would come.

"Hmm, do you want to talk about it?" Her sleepy voice is probably the best thing ever, I love hearing her early in the morning before she gets up to start her day.

Most days her hair will be a mess and dry spit will cake the corner of her lip, but she still manages to be the most beautiful thing ever even if I don't always tell her.

"Just stress and I know when I'm stressed things get a little ... darker."

"Is there anything you want me to do?"

"You're fine where you are." Just having Avril in my arms helps me, just like a ray of sunshine can help others.

"We should take a nap before you perform." Avril looks up at me with her chin resting against my chin and big green eyes still full of sleep.

I smile at how beautiful she looks, none of the women men have sung about before can match the way Avril looks right now.

Never in my life did I think I would be obsessive over a girl with sleep crust in her eyes and messy hair, but here I am holding the girls who's my every thought.

"Should we?" I question as I rub away the crusts from her eyes, her lashes tickling my finger with the slightest touch.

"Mhm, you're in Vegas."

"So?" I laugh as I drop the cigarette not wanting it near Avril and putting it out.

I should really quit.

"You gotta perform like you're in Vegas, everyone knows that and I want to nap. We were all up pretty late last night." Avril lets out another yawn, causing me to feel too tired too.

"If you want to and sure, but I think you should head back to bed, it looks like you need a couple more hours of beauty sleep."

Lies.

"Too early for your fucking attitude." Avril attempts to give me a dirty look,barely keeping her eyes open.

"Alright mouthy, let's get you some sleep." I wrap one arm around her waist and the other one under her knees and pick her up.

"Holy crap you're light," I comment as I shift her up on my chest and her dainty arms wrap around my neck.

"Says the guy who curls weights bigger than my head. I would think I would be light."

"Sassy this morning Ray?" I laugh as she gives me a big smile.

"Just for you." She gives me a quick kiss on the cheek as we head up the stairs and onto the bus, "are you going to sleep?"

"No, I think I am going to get some work done."

"Then I'll stay up with you." Avril's determination to stay up falters as soon as the blanket is on her body and her head is on my lap.

I look away from the email about Me Against the Devil from the record label to look down at her.

Her hair is no longer in the elastic band and her mouth is slightly parted, looking peaceful.

Her ring finger rests on my leg, reminding me that this angel agreed to marry me.

My angel has said yes to a lifetime with me.

A lifetime of saying I'll stay awake only to fall asleep.

I eye the ringer perfectly fitted to her finger and an overwhelming feeling consumes me.

A feeling of never wanting this moment to end. 

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