The Death of Antinous || bxb ✔︎

ODERINT DUM METUANT

Hadrian disliked many things, though one would never know it. If there was a food he didn't care for it would vanish from the banquet table. If there was a sculpture that did not move him, it would be relocated to another villa, as though the marble Aphrodite had quietly stood up and walked away. He had certain tunics he liked to see Antinous wear and when Antinous tired of these fashions and bought something different, he noticed that those pieces had been discarded and replaced with the old style.

The rest of the hunting trip went by without incident. Hadrian even invited Suetonius to ride back with them to Rome. Antinous remembered the historian looking out the window and telling them of his latest work, a collective biography of Rome's first twelve Caesars. Hadrian asked him which Caesar was his favourite.

"I confess I've always had a weakness for Caligula. His father's troops nicknamed him 'little boots' when he was a boy because he dressed in miniature battle gear and drilled the soldiers even though he did not yet know the commands." He chuckled and smiled at Antinous. "He reminds me of you when you when you were little."

When they arrived at the villa in Rome, Hadrian refused supper and retired early. He was quiet and still in bed with his eyes wide open. Antinous caressed him but he did not stir.

The next morning Antinous decided to wear the tunic Hadrian liked best. It was white with gold fern leaves stitched around the collar and sleeves.

He stepped out into the peristyle. Commodus was there in a cerulean blue toga surrounded by slaves and handservants. Hadrian was with him. Like most mornings, the two gossiped about the senate, strategized about Judea, where tensions had eased, and ate pomegranates. Beside Hadrian he saw Suetonius scribbling on his parchment but when he lifted his head he realized it wasn't Suetonius at all. It was a man whose face Antinous did not recognize.

"Look who's finally awake," said Commodus. He threw a pomegranate seed at his head.

Slowly he lowered himself beside the Emperor on the stone bench.

"Now, now, growing boys need their rest," Hadrian said. "At least he's dressed." He stroked the soft wool of Antinous' tunic.

It was like every other morning at the villa and also completely different. No one introduced him to Suetonius' replacement and he was afraid to ask.

Later that afternoon, he tried to probe the servants. "Have you seen Suetonius? Is he ill."

They gave him a quizzical look and continued scrubbing the floors or peeling vegetables. He begged Orodes for news but his friend simply shrugged and went about the business of washing the blood out of Antinous' hunting attire.

None would answer him. It was as though Suetonius had never existed.

That afternoon he decided to take his carriage into the metropolis. He told Hadrian he was visiting a jeweller.

"Very well but do not leave your escort's sight."

"I won't."

He covered his head with a cloak to avoid being mobbed. The carriage stopped in the market opposite the many merchants. Here were the artisans and craftsman of Rome. Carpenters, masons and glass workers were all presenting their wares with calloused hands and blackened fingernails. The secrets of their craft had been passed down from generation to generation. Antinous glanced at his own soft, delicate hands, which would have been just as rough and filthy had he stayed in his homeland and worked his father's land.

He spoke to the jeweller, Priscus, about a ring in the shape of a snake with a sapphire in its gold fangs. "One hundred sestertii," the man said. Antinous browsed while his escort waited by the carriage.