Just Another Bad Boy

22. I dont want to be alone

I smiled when I read the text that popped up on my phone. Caitlynn was currently ranting to me about how much she hates Dear John.

Caitlynn: SHE MARRIES THE OLD GUY?!? WHAT ABOUT CHANNING?? I THOUGHT SHE WAS GOING TO WAIT FOR HIM

I shook my head and laughed. When I told Caitlynn that it wasn't as great as she was expecting it to be she waved me off and assumed it was because I wasn't a huge fan of cheesy romances.

Caitlynn: This is a dumb movie I don't want to finish it

Ella: just finish the movie

I walked across the kitchen and grabbed a glass and filled it with water. As I was walking back to my phone I had abandoned on the counter I heard the front door slam shut.

I felt my whole body still.

"That's ridiculous! You need to get off my ass and just leave me alone!" I heard my brother yell.

I closed my eyes and tried to focus on my breathing. It was fine, everything was going to be fine.

"No! That's dumb!" He seemed to just be getting angrier.

I felt my hands start to shake and I had to put my glass down before I dropped it. I held myself up on the counter and just waiting for him to calm down.

"I'm done talking." He snapped.

I heard two loud thuds and then I listened as he stomped towards me.

"Why do people feel the need to control my life?" He asked when he stormed into the kitchen.

I didn't say anything just stood in my place and watched as he flew the door of the fridge open and grabbed a soda.

He let the door slam closed and walked off. I let myself get composed and walked over to grab my phone.

I scrolled though my contacts knowing that I didn't want to be alone.

My finger hovered over Trevor's name but I just shook my head and scrolled down finding the person I wanted to talk to.

"Hello?" He answered.

"You said if I ever needed someone to talk to you'd be there, is that offer still standing?" I asked.

"Of course, I have to give my mom her meds in like an hour but other than that you got my undivided attention if you want to stop over." Zach said.

"Ok." I nodded even though he couldn't see me.

We said our goodbyes and hung up the phone. I liked knowing I could just go and talk to Zach whenever and that he would listen.

—

I knocked on the door and it took about a minute before it swung open and Zach stood in the entry way.

I couldn't help but peak over next door, part of me hoping he would swing the door open and walk out.

"He's not home, if that's what you're wondering." Zach answered the question I didn't ask.

"I wasn't." I shook my head.

He just nodded giving me a skeptical look.

"Come in." He urged and stepped aside.

I walked into the apartment and followed Zach to the couch.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" Zach asked when he realized I wasn't going to try and start a conversation on my own.

I didn't even know what I was doing. Did I really want to talk to Zach about my problems? What was I even doing here?

"How do you handle things with your mom?" I asked.

He seemed taken aback by the question. I knew this was probably not what he had expected me to say.

"It hard you know? Like no matter what I do it's never going to be easy but when she's on her meds it's easier. When she's on her meds she can have a regular schedule that she sticks to and it makes things easier for her. She finds comfort in structure."

"How about when she isn't on her meds?"

He paused and thought about it.

"You know when you are driving and you hit a patch of ice and your car just starts slipping?"

I nodded.

"It's like that, all you can do is hold on and pray that everyone comes out the other side the same way they went in."

I sat and thought about that.

"Did you just come over to talk about my mom or is there something else you wanted to talk about?"

I felt conflicted, I had always had a hard time discussing my brother because I never felt like I could. It was always his story and who was I to be the one to tell it. I also didn't know all the answers, it was like telling a story with half the pages missing.

"I feel like my life is just at a confusing time. All my relationships right now are just like in a weird limbo." I tried the best to make sense.

When Zach gave me a confused look I realized I did not succeed at making him understand my thoughts.

"Well like me and Caitlynn are friends again but like it's just not the same as before. My family is a mess, I am not as close as my brother as I was before and sometimes I just miss having a bond with my family members. You know I see Trevor and his parents and I'm like I want that. I want that sort of bond where I can talk to them and have a nice meal as a family without my dad eating in his office. And then there is Trevor and I don't even understand that whole situation." I ranted.

"If you want to work things out with your brother then I think you should talk to him. And don't worry about you and Caitlynn, it's going to take some time to build your way back to the friendship you had before. As for Trevor, I think the only way to solve that issue is to just be honest with not only yourself but him. Tell him how you feel and put everything on the table and if he can't do the same he is the biggest idiot I know." Zach advised.

"Thank you Zach, you really are a good friend."

"Any time." He smiled.

Just then the door to the room I assumed was his moms bedroom open and a middle aged women walked out of it.

"Hey mom, how'd you sleep?" Zach asked walking up to her.

"Very well thank you." She grinned.

She must have noticed me over Zach shoulders and I watched as she stared intensely at me. I felt uncomfortable under her gaze but she slowly started to panic. All I could do is watch as she backed away from me.

She looked up at her son with a worried glance and he just nodded.

"Mom this is my friend Ella from school." He told her.

This seemed to calm her and she let out a sigh of relief.

"It's nice to meet you." She said softly to me.

"You too." I nodded.

"How about we go and take your meds." Zach said and steered his mother to the kitchen.

I stayed on the couch as he dealt with his mother. He seemed to really understand her and know how to handle her in all scenarios.

"Hey sorry about that, she freaks out with new people especially when she doesn't know they are going to be here. She has a hard time distinguishing what's real and what's not sometimes." He explained.

I nodded, understanding.

I wished that there was something I could do to make this situation better for him but the truth was that nothing could make this any easier for him.

At least nothing that I could do.

A/n:

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and are excited for the next one. If you did enjoy it don't forget to comment and vote.

-cora Leigh