LOVE TO HATE YOU

Homeless depressed Chihuahuas

While Ben dropped Li off, I went home to the guys. It was so predictable. The second I walked in, I was met by two sets of rather wildly curious eyes.

"And?" JJ said, the first to jump in.

"And what?" I couldn't hold back my smile.

"Did you?"

"Not yet," I said. "Tonight."

"Tonight, hey?" JJ said with a smirk before handing me a coffee. "Feel free to accidentally not use protection and fall pregnant with a little Ben baby!" JJ added while wickedly smiling at Bruce. To my surprise, Bruce smiled back conspiratorially.

I basically choked on the coffee. "What?!?! Are you mad?"

JJ shook his head. "Just joking. Or maybe not. Okay, maybe a little. Not really."

JJ's comment didn't strike me as funny. "Have you both forgotten I practically have a child to support already?" I asked. "My sister. God, I wouldn't be able to afford a baby. Not now. Not ever."

JJ put his hand on his hip and suddenly looked angry. I couldn't quite figure out why.

"You know," he said, "Bruce and I have being trying to do this subtly over the years. But subtle doesn't seem to work with you, Sera." He turned to Bruce, "I think it's time to have the talk. Don't you think?"

Bruce nodded, "It's about seven years overdue already," he said. Suddenly, I felt very nervous.

"What's going on guys?" I'd never heard them talk like this and it put me on edge.

"You are the worst, and I mean the worst ," He shouted the words out, "at accepting any kind of help from anyone. Do you know that?"

Bruce nodded. "The worst."

"It's actually irritating. You walk around incapable of buying clothes and paying for the things you want, or for your sisters education, when we walk around with so much money and no one to give it to."

JJ's tone caught me off guard. He genuinely sounded angry. He'd never been angry with me before.

"You never accept our help. Like the car offer?" JJ asked before leaning in closer. I glanced to my left and Bruce was doing the same.

"Um... I, I..." I stuttered.

Bruce spoke up, "You seem to think it's some kind of charity hand out. When it's not. We don't want to help you out of charity, Sera. We want to help you because we care. You're part of our family. That's what family does for each other. They help out when times get tough."

I scoffed loudly, "That's not what my family does."

JJ slapped his hand down on the arm of the chair very loudly, "Stop it! Stop being such a suffering martyr, Sera."

I did a double take at his words. "What?"

"Right now. Right in front of you, you have the means to dig yourself out of a hole. How much is your sister's med school? R 20,000? R 40,000? That's nothing for us. For heaven's sake, let us help you. I for one don't want to watch you walking around the house depressed and stressed about money. It's becoming boring."

"What?" It was all I could manage. I was downright offended.

Bruce got up and moved over to the couch next to me, "I think what JJ is trying to say, is that you don't have to carry all these burdens alone."

"Exactly." JJ added, "Especially not when you're going to get the money one day anyway."

I looked from Bruce to JJ confused. "What do you mean?"

Bruce placed a hand on my shoulder. "Well," he explained, "you're like a daughter to us, making you the sole beneficiary of our will. One day when we're both six feet under, you're going to get everything anyway."

The stab of emotions I felt with that single sentence completely overwhelmed me. I looked at both of them dumbfounded.

JJ tutted loudly "Well who else are we going to give it to, silly? We don't have kids. If not you, we'd donate it to charity... drag queens in distress, or homeless depressed Chihuahuas or something."

I managed a slight smile through the tears that were starting to well up. Still,... "I could never accept that," I said.

JJ stood up and gestured at me angrily. "See?! There you go again with your 'woe is me' attitude." He started imitating me, "I'm Sera, and I'm not good enough to accept something like that."

Bruce held up his hand. "JJ. Just calm down."

"No," JJ said and stamped his foot. "It kills me. I mean, your wardrobe for heaven's sake. You won't even let me take you shopping! And you take on way, way too much. You work too hard, you look after your sister, your mother... who's looking after you?"

"I look after myself." I said quickly.

JJ shook his head, "Let us help. You do so much for us and you won't let us do anything for you." It looked like JJ had a tear in his eye and my stomach suddenly twisted into knots.

I was in total shock. This conversation had thrown me completely. JJ stormed off to the kitchen and banged a coffee cup around. Bruce got up, too, but then turned and looked at me.

"I know JJ is being a bit harsh," he said, "but this is something we've been talking about for years, and it's just frustrating you won't accept our help, especially when we see you suffering in silence. Think about it, Sera. You don't have to carry on living like this."

And with that, he walked away, leaving me reeling in shock—Had I just had my first fight with the guys?