thirty one. absence of everything

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𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞 𝐞𝐭 𝐮𝐧

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𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞 𝐞𝐭 𝐮𝐧

𝚊𝚋𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐

𝚊𝚋𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐

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H E R

For the first time in my life, I was glad my parents were dead.

Because it meant they couldn't see the horrendous disaster of a mess I had gotten myself in.

We decided to wait on telling Rick. In fact, we didn't tell anyone. Part of me felt that if we didn't tell anyone, it was not as real.

It was easier that way. For the better. Ignoring thing like we always have.

Something had changed within Carl, though.

While he still had his moments, he seemed rejuvenated. Hopeful. However, I couldn't ignore that lingering dark streak in him. It promised vengeance and destruction. He pushed it down, kept the anger brewing under his skin. In his fingertips and soles of his feet. His sharp tongue was waiting for the moment when it could send forth crippling words and his calloused hands trembled at his sides yearning for the moment when a weapon filled them once more.

He wanted to kill Negan. That much was clear. And he wouldn't be satisfied, the bloodlust would curdle in his chest, until the job was done. I knew he was attempting to plan something but would never disclose to me what exactly that was.

"We've always told each other things. No matter how hard it is to hear." Was what I said to him when I found him in his room, staring blankly at the wall with a scowl on his face, jaw twitching. As if his brain were somewhere else. Picturing himself in front of Negan and just what he'd do with the opportunity. My words brought him out from his daze but his eye was still in blue flames.

"That's not true, Eleanor." He told me, but his words were venomless. Simply the truth. 

"I meant, like, secrets. We don't keep secrets from each other." I had to sit, it was pretty pitiful how short amount of time my body could handle standing.

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