Voodoo Queens of New Orleans - Vol. I | ✓

Chapter 59: The Guilt of Being Alive

**

When I awoke, the sun had already risen. It poured into my room, filling it with warmth.

I sat up but very slowly; my head was throbbing to the point of it being hard to concentrate on where I was. It took me a few moments to realize that I was in my bedroom, lying in my bed, in my mama's house.

The last thing I remembered from the night prior was Abraham threatening to kill Miss Aza. With this memory, I jumped out of bed in a panic, wondering if he had succeeded and oblivious to the events that preceded his threat.

I ran out of the room, through the quiet hall and downstairs, yelling her name. The longer the silence carried, the larger my fears grew, I imagined that everyone was at a service for Aza or burying her body in secret without me, hence why the house was so quiet. There were many questions I should have been asking myself, but the only thing on my mind was Aza's safety.

When I had gotten to the bottom of the staircase, I froze in my tracks when I saw Aza, Sajida, and Mama sitting on the couch. I looked at them, wondering if they were even real. Looking past the odd presence of Sajida, they all seemed calm and collected, but it looked like they had to force themselves to act this way.

But I dismissed this immediately. I saw Aza, and surrendered to her.

"Aza!" I exhaled, nearly in tears as I ran over and embraced her the moment she stood. She hugged me back, but it felt off.

"I had no idea what had happened to you," I cried.

"I'm fine," she said, holding me a little tighter. "It's alright."

Once I convinced myself that she was real and not just an over glorified figment of my imagination, I broke apart from her. She smiled at me, and I smiled at her, but her smile waned; Mama, who sat across from Aza, did not smile at all, whereas Sajida had this small smirk on her face. They were all dressed normally (or their idea of normal). No white dresses, and surprisingly, no tignons. Just their normal wardrobe. I was in one of Mama's night gowns, and I quickly wanted to switch into something familiar, too.

There were so many elephants in the room to address that none of us knew where to start, but I was the most clueless, for I blacked out the rest of the night. Mama glared at me, trying to dissect me until there was nothing left. Even when Aza sat back down, Mama continued to look at me this way. But she wouldn't speak.

"You remember what happened last night?" Sajida asked. Mama turned her neck quickly in Sajida's direction with a sharp look, whereas Aza just began to stare off blankly as if that was better than being part of the conversation that was about to begin.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"What do you remember?" she rephrased. "What's the last thing you remember?"

"I was on the balcony speaking to Abraham," I began. Mama rolled her eyes. "There was a... confrontation between him and Hezekiah. He asked Hezekiah to give Aza the 'Gift of Darkness'—"

"None of that would have happened if you would have just stayed out of it," Mama said coldly. Even Sajida made a sour face at Mama's response.

"Mama, come on—"

"No!" she snapped, standing up with stiff limbs. "Shut up! This is all your fault. All of it! If you would have stayed where you were supposed to, none of this would have happened. None of it!"

"You're not serious," I said, but she was. As serious as the plague. Aza and Sajida just remained silent as Mama was preparing to rip me a new one. But after last night, I wouldn't remain silent about it much longer.