White Daisies

Chapter 8

April 8, 1940

A wave of anxiety spills over me, and suddenly my ribcage feels like it's going to burst out of my chest.

I remember the words of Mrs. Peterson.

Take a step forward. Smile. And begin. 

I look out to the audience, but the spotlights are momentarily too bright to see anything. I hear the cacophonous sound of voices muttering to each other. I raise my violin to fit under my chin and place my fingers on the strings.

Abruptly, the lights dim and all the chatter stops. My eyes search desperately through the hundreds of people that sit in the audience. Nausea rolls in my stomach when I realize that everyone here is watching me. After a few seconds of searching, I'm able to find Jacob's face in the crowd. His face splits into a grin when I make eye contact with him, and all the air leaves my lungs. I take a deep breath and feel the warmth of his smile enter my bloodstream, giving me the courage to start playing.

And it's the best I've ever performed. 

My eyes close as I focus on gracefully playing each note, both of my hands moving in sync with each other. The sweet and elegant cadence of "The Swan" slows down the pounding of my heart. The wiggling of my fingers makes the tone of my violin deep and mellow. All of a sudden, I forget that I'm standing on a stage in front of a full audience. I'm now in my own world, one filled with music that swirls around me as I float on a moonlit lake. I become intoxicated by the enchantment of the song. I feel light and free. I'm no longer afraid to be on stage, and the brightness of the stage lights fade away. 

Pride threatens to swallow me whole when the audience stands in ovation. Deafening applause rings out across the theatre.  I've never felt more gratified in my life. People congratulate me after I curtsy and leave the stage. My heart threatens to burst when Mrs. Peterson hugs me and says she's never been more proud of me as a violinist. 

I'm still giddy from the performance when I exit the theatre and see Jacob is standing with my family. He has an easy smile on his face as he chats with Macy. My mother and father observe their interaction with amusement on their faces. My delight dissolves when I hear what they're talking about. 

"Hi, Ana! I was just telling Jacob about the time you threw up on stage," Macy says excitedly.

I glare at her, mortified. "Macy!"

"What? It was hilarious!"

"Macy," my mother warns.

Jacob changes the subject, rocking forward on his feet and producing a bouquet of flowers from behind his back. "You were breathtaking. The best one of them all."

I feel my cheeks warm at his compliment. I take his flowers graciously, and I note that it's a mix of my favorites: sunflowers, white roses, and of course, daisies. My parents reaffirm what he said and tearfully declare that they're proud of me. Even my sister hugs me in admiration. Joy bubbles up in me once again. 

"You know Jacob, I thought that it would be nice for you to come to dinner tonight," my mother suggests.

My father nods his head in agreement. My sister tugs on Jacob's hand and begs him to come.

"It's up to Ana," he says, looking over to me.

I blink in surprise. "Of course you can."

Jacob shrugs and accepts my mother's offer. As we walk home, my sister converses with him excitedly. I shiver from the cool wind rustling the skirt of my black gown. I fold my arms closer to my chest, trying to retain warmth. Jacob notices this and takes off his deep red scarf to wrap around my neck. He winks at me and turns his attention back to my sister.

A little while later, dinner is served when my mother pulls a casserole out of the oven. My father strikes up a conversation about university with Jacob.

"So, why did you choose to study law?" My father inquires.

Jacob takes a few seconds to think about his response. "I really want to help people. I'm not good at medicine or teaching, but I'm good at arguing. Law also challenges me and puts in me in a position to better society."

My father approvingly nods his head.

"Jacob, I must say that your family's bakery is delectable. The layer cake we had for Macy's birthday was delicious," my mother chimes in.

He smiles, "Thank you, Mrs. Clemensen. I'm sure my father will be happy to hear that."

"Besides your father, I don't think I've ever met your family. Does your family go to church?"

The tips of his ears turn red, and he reaches a hand up to rub his neck. "Actually Mrs. Clemensen, my family goes to synagogue."

My mother's eyes widen in surprise. I quit chewing my casserole as dread enters my stomach. Oh gentle Moses, what were my parents going to say? I had never heard them make any hateful comments towards Jewish people, but I never listened to their praise either. What if they hated him now?

My anxieties are relieved when my father nods his head and replies, "I figured as much. 'Jacob Koenig' is a Jewish name if I've ever heard one."

Jacob's shoulders ease from their tense position, and I feel his hand grab mine under the table. The rest of the dinner goes on without a hitch. My sister talks about her day at school, and my father complains about how so many of his students failed his test. After we finish eating, we retire to the living room, and my father turns on the radio.

The nightly news broadcast is about the war, just like it has been for the past eight months. It seems that England and France have agreed to not make separate peace agreements with Germany. Thousands of people are still dying from air raids and firebombings. Instead of getting better, things are getting worse. Thankfully, my father switches stations and a different radio show comes on with lighter subject content.

We sit in peace for about an hour. My father sits in his usual loveseat, reading a book under the light of a lamp. My mother knits a blanket for one of her favorite patients at the hospital. Macy, Jacob, and I lay on the floor to play a card game. After a while, Jacob turns his wrist over to check his watch. 

 Realizing what time it is, Jacob stands up from the floor. "Thank you so much for having me over Mr. and Mrs. Clemensen, but I'm afraid it's getting late, and I should probably go home."

My father gets up from his loveseat and crosses the room to shake his hand. "It was nice to see you, Jacob. Good luck with law school."

My mother offers him some casserole to take home, but he politely declines. My sister gives a big hug before making him bend down so she can whisper something in his ear. He winks at her as he stands back up. I offer to walk him out, and he gives a final farewell to my family.

Outside, the light of the streetlamp sharpens the angles of his face, making him even more handsome. He tugs the scarf that I'm wearing to pull me closer to him.

"You look really cute in that scarf. It looks very familiar though," Jacob whispers in my ear.

I wrap my arms around his shoulders. "It's my boyfriend's actually. He gave it to me so I wouldn't be cold."

"Well, he's a very lucky person to have a girlfriend as pretty as you. I bet he'll try to keep you, huh?" His warm breath fans out across the side of my face. He presses a kiss to my jawbone before drawing my lips to his. I find myself paralyzed with happiness, afraid to move in fear of breaking the moment.

He places his lips on my forehead to give me another kiss. "No matter what happens, I will always come back to you. I promise you, Ana."

I looked at him in confusion. What is he talking about? I'm about to open my mouth when he kisses me again, and I melt into his embrace. We tell each other goodnight. I watch him walk down the street a little bit before going back inside to get ready for bed.

As I'm laying in bed, I pick a daisy out of the bouquet he gave me. Pulling the petals off of the flower, I silently play he loves me, he loves me not.

The last petal falls.

He loves me.