SLOW BURN

7. glad to hear that

I go to work Monday morning wanting to be anywhere else but at work. The only reason I go is because my job requires little to no human interaction at all. It's literally just us in our cubicles sitting in front of two computers and processing work in silence. Most of us listen to music. I love it really, especially on days like today when all I wanted was to stay in bed and not talk to anyone.

I couldn't stop thinking about Josh all weekend. It's all I did and I hated myself for it. I really don't know what is going on with me. Since when was I so attracted to Josh? The crush I had on him in high school is nothing compared to this. This is something more. Something I can't control and it's driving me crazy. I keep thinking about how things would be different if Josh hadn't come back. I would probably be mopping all day about Brad as I should be instead of thinking about his brother. I'm such a horrible person.

Mom calls me during lunch. I don't really feel like talking but I always feel guilty about not answering her calls. I also don't want to answer because I know what she is calling about.

"You didn't come yesterday, Natalie, is everything alright?" She asks after the greeting.

"I'm fine, mom, I just had a late night on Saturday and was too tired to drive over the next day." Not entirely a lie.

"Well, you better make it this weekend. You know we have the cookout with the Andrews," she says in Spanish. English is her second language so most of the time when I speak with her, she speaks Spanish so most of our conversations end up in Spanglish.

I frown. "I don't really want to go to that, Mom."

Every two or three months, Louisa and Clint, along with my parents, plan a cookout over in Newport. We've been doing those for years. It's basically a way for all of us to just disconnect from the world and spend a night out in the beach next to a campfire. I'm not going to lie. They're the best thing ever but now that Brad and I broke up...well it's different. Plus add whatever is happening between Josh and I to the mix and...I can't imagine myself in a room with both of them in it. I wouldn't know how to act.

"Natalie, we've had this planned for weeks. You know it's a family gathering. Savannah will be there. We're all going to be there. It'll be fun."

I do feel a bit better that Savannah is going to be there. Maybe I can convince her to go to her apartment or something. I don't want to seem rude to Louisa or Clint. Plus Brad probably won't go. I sigh so Mom knows I'm not happy about this. "Lo voy a pensar, okay? I'll think about it."

"I'll make your favorite enchiladas," Mom says and I can almost see the smile on her face.

I can't help but smile. "Okay, Mom. I gotta go back to work now."

"Alright, honey. Take care of yourself and call me if you need anything."

"Okay, Mom. Love you, bye."

Great. Now I have that to worry about until Friday. It really sucks that it has to be this way. My family and the Andrews have always been close. I hope Brad and I can find some form of common ground to be able to hang out during these type of family things. My parents and Brad's have always been friends and I don't expect them to stop. I wouldn't ask that of them. It's not their fault Brad and I broke up. My problems are not their problems. I know I'm an adult. I need to act like one.

I spend the rest of the week trying to get back to my routine. Work. Home. Work. Home. Without a boyfriend, I am left with all of this time and I have no idea what to do with myself. I try to remember about what I wanted when I was younger. I think I wanted to be a teacher at some point. And then a doctor. That was until I grew up and realized how small a teacher's salary was and how incredibly long and expensive it takes to become a doctor. That was when I settled with any degree. I ended up with a Bachelor's in English because I couldn't make up my mind. I just wanted a degree by the time I got to my senior year.