The Tales of a Future Hockey Wife

Chapter 47: Need You Too **

~Ben~

Her words shocked me, I have to admit. I knew she was hitting on me the second her hands touched my bare hips and her lips pressed against my back, but I couldn't bring myself to give in. It's not because I don't want to. I just don't know how. Ever since we found out she was pregnant; my once strong and independent girlfriend became this thing that I was afraid would break if I touched her too roughly. I spent countless nights thinking about making her mine again, but then my thoughts went to the dark places of miscarriages due to sex or even worse. And, before this afternoon, she hadn't given me any signs that she wanted to do anything revolving around sex, so I didn't push thinking that she was as afraid as I am. As much as the simple thought of having a baby so soon in our lives would have repulsed me a few months ago, the thought of losing this one scares the living shit out of me now. I can't imagine if it would be my fault.

Now, I've fucked it all up once again. I didn't have the courage to tell her that I saw her as this fragile little thing and that if I could I would wrap her up in bubble wrap because she would have told me to go fuck myself and she would have been right to do so. We finally were in somewhat of a good place where we didn't yell at each other every time we spoke, and I had to ruin that by ignoring her. She thinks I don't want her anymore, but she didn't notice the way I stared at her when I saw her walk out of our bedroom wearing those oh so tight shorts that made me want to walk up behind her to caress the swell of her butt when she reached for that glass. She would have felt my growing erection safely trapped in my sweatpants. I would have pulled her into me, burying my face in her neck to kiss the spot at the base of her neck that makes her whisper my name every time. She would have probably reached for the back of my head with her hands, holding it there while pulling softly on my hair. I would have turned her around to kiss her before slowly inserting my tongue in her mouth. It would have ended with her sitting on the kitchen counter, her legs wrapped around my waist, her hands in my hair, and me feeling her warm breath in my ear as she uttered my name over and over as she came undone in front of me. That is what should have happened. If I hadn't been a coward, I would have my girl's legs around me right now instead of having to readjust my pants to hide my hard-on as I knock on the bedroom door. I waited twenty minutes so we both had time to calm down. The last thing I want is another screaming match.

She doesn't answer me, but I expected that. I start to play with the doorknob, if she really doesn't want me to come in, she'll tell me to go away with a voice filled with tears that would break my heart in a million pieces. But she says nothing, so I turn the knob so that the old wooden door cracks as it opens. She's sitting on our bed, her laptop on her lap and she's typing. She got changed. Her shorts were replaced by long flannel pants and she threw a knitted sweater over her t-shirt. She stops typing when she sees me standing in the doorway to stare at me.

"What?" One word that gives me endless possibilities. I could apologize for turning her down or I could play it cool and act as if I didn't understand. I could stay quiet, walk up to the bed and kiss her, but she would probably push me away like she did when I tried to comfort her when she started crying. Or I could be honest, and even if it's the least tempting option, it's the one I choose. I walk into the room and sit at the end of the bed. She closes her laptop and sets it aside.

"I am afraid. I'm afraid to hurt you if I'm too rough. Ever since we found out, I feel like I should treat you like a china doll or otherwise you'll break in a million pieces." I stop to look at her. Her eyes are fixed on me like she's drinking in everything I'm saying. "I'm afraid that if I do all the things I want to do to you, we'll lose the baby and you'll hate me forever. Maybe that's dumb, but I can't help it. I'm sorry," I add, raising my shoulders as I apologize. She takes a deep breath, her eyes never leaving mine.

"Come here," she says, her voice soft. She extends her hand for me to grab which I do. I am now standing at her side of the bed and she wiggles around to stand in front of me. She grabs both my hands in hers. She moves her right one to the small of her back, her fingers moving to my wrist so that my hand is pressed against the soft cotton of her t-shirt. She does the same thing with her left hand, leaving both my hands on her back. I feel her fingers slip away, but my eyes stay on my hands until I feel her palms on my cheeks. I look up to see her eyes looking directly into mine.