please accept me DRAGON X WOLF

Part 19 'I-I won't desire'

MUSIC OPTION :D

The air from my lungs finally expel, making me flinch awake. Immediately my senses pick up the things around me. Whimpering and movement. The smell.. I'm back in Krels room.

I force my eyes open only to see a hazy surface. Nothing yet recognizable by the fog still left in my head. My body numb and limp with an ache like no other. Crest..you did quite a job. If I were to be completely honest or honest at all, I was extremely mad at her. Why does she never listen?? Is she that above me? She must see herself  haughtily watching over the weak existence we both share.

His sweet voice prompts me out of my thoughts as Krel worriedly says something from my side. "T-they had to sedate you twenty-seven times more than the normal dose of a-anesthesia." Ahhh why Crest! I'm going to be feeling this for a week if I don't shift. Chewing my own food will be tiring!

I somehow make my body obey and roll from my side to my stomach. My arms manage to be dragged up to my face as I silently panic. Crest I know is hiding out in the back of my mind, avoiding confrontation. Which is a good thing because I can't argue right now even though I have a few ugly things I want to say.

Am I on a hard surface or a soft one? I can't tell! Drawing strength from a place I like to call somewhere/determination, I very shakily push myself up into a hunched sitting position. Repeatedly I blink, kidding myself that does something. Ever so slowly things become more clear, to the point I can make out i'm on the floor. Hypothesis, I fell out of bed which snapped me awake.

Snail paced I make myself lean back on the bed for support. I let my eyes roam freely falling on the figure sitting shakily next to me. Krel..I still can't make out faces, and my dizziness is overwhelming, but once again, I know it's him. Somehow everything seems more happy and at peace now with my Given...along with a sinking feeling at what will unfold.

Krel with the most sorrowful voice tries to get something out. His sobbing and voice cracks get in the way, but he manages anyway. "I-i hAte m-m-myself....th..at's whY I....I want..ed to...cHange f-for  y-you becAUse I knew..." Krel pauses and gives the most heartbreaking self mocking smile as he continues in a softer voice, "I knew....you'd find me a-as a-an u-unlovable m-monster."

Crest also had her own river of tears at our Givens words and composure. We both wish so much to take his pain away, but that would only hurt Krel more seeing as I'm leaving when I'm able. Time flies by as he cries quietly next to me while I try to regain control over my own body. It's like I'm an ice cube thawing.

By Krels crestfallen look, I can tell he knows where this is going. I stare at the cream colored wall in front of me, trying to think of something other than my Given.  It's impossible. In the corner of my eyes I watch Krel in a defeated way slowly lower himself onto the ground until his forehead touched the floor, bowing his head in a pleading way. I hold my breath knowing I have to stay strong no matter what he does.

Krel appeals to me as he pleads with a voice full of love. "I won't, won't touch you. I won't even try to reach out to hold your hand." His last word cracks as he bites back a sob. He continues, "Please..I only need to know you're there, only to see your face. I-I won't  a-ask to sleep beside you again, I-I won't desire anything more." Krel stops talking, and once again lets his tears overtake him.

I know...without a doubt I'm crying now too. The tears that slip down my face I can't feel, but the other signs are there. Crest would have intervened in my thoughts by now, to sway my decisions, but she knows the dangerous spot we're in, so she just silently cries and mourns for the loss of our Given.

The human part of me, wants to forgive, but it's too soon. Krel was...resurrecting his fathers plans to hurt my kin, me..for something unimaginably less important than life and honor...a rank, a boasting right, and an expansion. I can't even look Krels way anymore, and neither can Crest.

I haven't tested out my voice yet, but I have nothing to even try saying. I can't make myself hurt Krel, so my next step would be to find a way for both parties to safely clip the bond. Then, I must return home..alone.

A/N That took a turn didn't it!? My bad... To make it up to you, I'll give a slight spoiler. Shhhh! They end up together. Relieved right? I'll take my leave now...