matty healy, falling in love over night

saving grace

25th of may - 5 days until tour- 2 days until grace and matty go home

11pm

i woke up, still on the balcony. the sky was dark now and the air cooler. i grabbed onto the railing on the balcony and pulled myself up. as soon as i didn't another wave on nausea hit. i ran back into the en-suite and began violently shaking again. what on earth did we drink last night? this was the worst hangover i'd ever had. i flushed the toilet and walked back out, the boys still weren't back. everywhere was covered in glass and red wine was leaking through the villa and outside. i grabbed my phone from the couch where it had sat all day to reveal a mass of messages

2 new messages from ross

ross: grace i'm so sorry
ross: this is so fucking unfair on you

3 new messages from adam

adam: as soon as u get home i'm gonna five u the biggest hug
adam: i'm sorry grace we had no idea
adam: love you

2 new messages from kian

kian: i heard what happened
kian: i'm here if u need

wow that one hurt, i continued to scroll

3 new messages from carly

carly: i'm so sorry grace
carly: if u ever need u can stay with me and adam
carly: here if u need anything babe

2 new messages from george

george: we have gone out but will be back b4 late
george: love you and see you soon

it was late and they were not back. i decided a walk might be good. i ran upstairs and pulled on a camouflage denim skirt and a black tank top with my vans old school. i grabbed matty champion hoodie incase it was cold. i brought my phone and polaroid and notepad in my cross body and ran out of the door towards the beach as fast as i could.

as soon as i got there i cried again. the beach was empty at 11 o'clock at night, of course it was. i flopped down onto the sand and began to play with the grains around me. very so often the tide would lash at my feet, get further away. the moon was so so beautiful. i got out my notepad and decided to write

if only you could see it the way i do
how the moon shines so bright
i'm say amongst the sand
with the sea at my toes
i could stay here
live out my days
grow old alone, that way i couldn't get hurt
perhaps i will, maybe i'll never leave

i closed the book and later my head on the sand, all i'd done all day was sleep and that's all i wanted to do.

"grace?grace? grace wake up!" i heard a voice
"yeah?" i asked rubbing my eyes, i finally opened them to see lia
"lia?" she smiled and me and offered me her hand
"no, this is your dream. i'm not lia, i'm ... a fraction of her? from your mind i guess"
"i'll take it i've missed you" i said embracing whoever this was
"what's going on?" she asked as we started to walk down the beach
"matty used again"
"oh"
"oh?" i asked startled
"well you love him don't you?" she said simply
"it's not that simple, he will die if he carries and i can't see that"
"so help him" the voice said
"i don't know how" , whoever this was, lia or not, they smiled at me
"yes you do"

2 am

i woke up gasping for air, matty was crouched beside me looking worried. i grabbed his neck and pulled him into a long hug
"grace it's okay i'm here"
"matty" i sobbed into him
"you can't die you have to stop, seriously"
he looked at me solemnly
"i know grace and i truly mean that i'm done this time, i know it's you or it and every time i would pick you, every single time"
i pulled him down onto the sand beside me, i refused to let go of him
"are you okay gracey?"
"i was so scared matty, so fucking scared. and i had the weirdest dream. i .. i just can't ever lose you"
"and i can't ever lose you gracey, but we need to get you home to the villa. it's 2am"
"is george ...?"
"george is back there" , i looked at the floor once he said this
"what?" he asked
"i .. i smashed all the plates, glasses and wine" matty pulled me into a hug once more
"baby that's okay, let's look at your hands and feet though to make sure you're okay" he took my hands tenderly examining them for cuts, then my arms and my feet
"okay we can clean these once we get back, hopefully there is no glass in them" he said kissing my head and offering me his hand. i clasped my mouth once we stood up feeling the sickness again
"you okay?" he asked concerned, i nodded
"yeah just, hangover still" ,his eyes didn't move from mine for a second before we began to walk back to the villa.

as soon as we got back the place was unrecognisable. everything was clean and tidy.
george was sat near the pool with a beer
"george i'm so sorry" i began to tell him
"it's okay" he said getting up and pulling me into a warm embrace.
"how. did you clean up so fast?" i giggled at george
"i'm a master at it you know grace. give me some credit"
"let's get you sorted then we will all talk" matty told me, i smiled. he was returning

we walked into the kitchen and i sat on the countertop while matty broke into the first aid kit. he took out an alcohol wipe and began to dab at the cuts and scrapes that tearing the kitchen apart had caused
"i'm sorry" i admitted
"you don't need to be"
"i do. i'm sorry for walking away when lia died, and i'm sorry because none of this is your fault matty. you're an addict and that isn't your fault" i said grabbing his face
"everything was so perfect grace, i couldn't breathe incase i messed it up. you were so happy and i just thought i'd ruin it. i feel my best when i'm high" , i nodded taking it all in
"i know matty. but. you can't anymore. and we will get you help because you can't do this alone, but you can't do this again"
"i'm done with it i promise grace"
"i love you so much" he added
"i love you" i replied
"you deserve more" he breathed into my lips
"so do you"