MISSING IN ACTION; seungjin ✓

❯ 𝚝𝚠𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚢 - 𝚜𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗

🔫
❝ hey... ❞

seungmin called out from the door of hyunjin's room.

❝ hey. ❞ hyunjin replied back, glancing at seungmin who was uneasily shy.

they were currently stayed at sm for preparations and they leave in the morning.

❝ h-how are you feeling? ❞
seungmin asked, walking inside the room and hyunjin paid his full attention to him, putting his bag aside.
❝ i'm fine. ❞

❝ i made some of those energy drinks with changbin hyung earlier, j-just come down to the hall if you don't feel w-well. ❞

❝ why are you stuttering? ❞   
hyunjin gave him an amused smile.
seungmin's eyes went wide and scoffed at the older.   
❝ i wasn't. ❞

❝ yeah right kim. ❞   
hyunjin stood up and walked towards a nervous seungmin who walked back.

he stopped when his back touched the wall and hyunjin hit his hand on the wall, beside seungmin's head and then his other arm causing the younger to yelp by surprise. hyunjin had trapped seungmin between him and stared at the younger intensely.

seungmin couldn't look up to meet his gaze, his face all flustered and red fron the sudden action.

❝ look at me seungmin. ❞

hyunjin demanded with a low yet commanding voice, by instinct seungmin looked at him, making him more flustered than what he already was.

his breathing hitched upon the older still staring at him so intensely that he started to get really uncomfortable and self conscious.

❝ you're not pushing me away....? ❞
hyunjin commented confused.
he really expected the younger to do so, even yell at him for what he was doing but seungmin stayed still.

honestly hyunjin didn't even know what he was doing either, to him he was probably finding reason for seungmin to hate him, hurt him more physically rather than what he can feel.
he wanted to take on that pain and it made him wonder if he was already driven insane.

seungmin finally opened his eyes slowly and stared back at hyunjin just as intense and lovingly.
❝

can't we just go back to the way we were? ❞
hyunjin asked, desperation quite obvious in his voice.
❝ i hate what you're doing to me. it's so unfair, i hate that i'm getting desperate. i hate that we're not the same as we were and i fucking hate myself for causing all this.❞
seungmin looked at him questioning and serious. the kind of look that pierces into hyunjin's soul, a kind that he'd rather be punched or shot with a bullet.

because all seungmin showed him was that he didn't care anymore, and it honestly hurt him.

he believed seungmin still had the same feeling as he felt, that maybe just maybe what they had was something.
because that's what he made him feel, he made hyunjin believe they could've been something everyone envied of, to be in love, and happy.

or was it really just hyunjin the one loving this whole time while seungmin never even thought of the idea?
❝ there's nothing to go back to hyunjin. ❞
he said with a cold tone that attempted the tears to stream from the older's eyes but he didn't dare let them escape.
seungmin didn't turn down his gaze, even if he already saw the eyes of the other now sparkling with a sad hint, like crystals drowning in water.

❝ there was never anything between us and accept that there will never be. i never loved you. i kissed you because i needed closure, but it wasn't the right kind of closure we wanted, you hurt me because i trusted you and now i can't even get anywhere near you without feeling the single thought of regret. i will never do any good to you so please just stop and love someone else. you're just hurting yourself and blaming me for it. why can't you understand that?! ❞

seungmin snapped at him, his eyes raging and shaking with unpredictable emotions now clinging onto his whole existence, wanting to turn away from hyunjin's gaze that looked so heartbroken that it honestly made him want to stab himself for saying such mix of truths and lies.

he've never seen hwang hyunjin like that.
he wondered which were the truth and which were the lie in his words.

❝ because i love you..... i'll never understand because you can't just make me stop. i want what i want, i love what i love. if you want me to turn away, i can't promise you. what i'm just trying to clear up is that will it always be like this for the both of us? ❞
hyunjin looked at him with pleading, sad and fragile eyes.
it makes seungmin want to hug him so bad, and kiss that upsetting frown away from his beautiful lips.
he doesn't want to hurt hyunjin any longer, but he had one duty and job.
maybe after this, if they survive this battle, maybe he could give hyunjin a chance.

he has to win this for him, for the both of them. at least just until then, he hoped hyunjin could wait, and he prayed he himself could survive.

seungmin wanted to tell him how he missed him, he missed those times they were together, from the short to long talks. that kiss and even cuddles, fighting together, everything about what they already had were all perfect.
seungmin wanted to bring it back. he wanted to tell hyunjin how much he really really loves him too.
but now isn't just really the time.
❝ i'm sorry..... ❞

that's all he could ever say now.
not an "i didn't mean it"   or not even an   "i love you".
he didn't know anything else to say besides apologize for making everything seem so complicated. 

❝ we're not the greatest problem now. hurry and fix your stuff, they're calling a meeting in half an hour. ❞
seungmin said and pried himself out of hyunjin who looked down in disappointment.
hyunjin glanced at the younger now leaving his room and closing the door.

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𝙙𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙥𝙪𝙗𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙙 :  𝟷𝙾𝙾𝟼𝟸𝙾