Drenched | ✓

catorce

I could see Tim waiting in the café from the outside, and I was tempted in that moment to not go in, to just leave. But, something made me step over the threshold and sit down opposite him.

"Julie," he said. "Please let me explain."

"No," I said, holding my hand up. "Let me talk first." He seemed a little shocked but nodded for me to go on. "You don't love me—" he went to interjects but I continued. "— and I don't love you. If you really, truly loved me, you wouldn't want to be with anyone else but me. You wouldn't want to risk the chance of losing me. I don't love you, Tim. I tried to convince myself that I did, but I don't. And I'm sorry, but I can't help that."

He stared at the table for a while, before looking up, "You know, I sensed you didn't love me. Maybe that's why I slept with other people, to try and make you feel something."

"Always somebody else's fault, isn't it?"

"No, it's nobody else's fault but my own." He picked my hand up, but it was more friendly than romantic. "We've both been unfair to each other, not that you pretending to love me is anything compared to me disrespecting you..."

I breathed deeply. "I shouldn't have done it, I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too," he said. "And I really do mean it this time."

I picked up my bag and stood up. "Bye, Tim."

"Hug?"

I rolled my eyes, half heartedly. I opened my arms to him. He felt and smelt so familiar, but I knew a drastic change from familiar was way overdue.

"Have a safe flight," I said. He nodded, and gave me a small wave.

It felt like a weight had been lifted.

☼  ☼ ☼

"Tim's gone," I told Elise as we sat on the sofa, in front of the tv, again.

Brenda and Clara had gone home, though reluctant to leave 'the god,' also known as Nicolás. I was grateful they had, even helping them pack to get them to leave sooner.

"How do you feel?" She asked, reaching for the popcorn between us.

"Relieved, honestly."

She gave me a side hug. "I'm really proud of you, Julie. One day, you'll find someone and they'll make you forget all about Tim. They'll make you realise what love really is."

"What even is love?" I said aloud. "A construct people use to excuse... what? Lying, cheating, hurting another person? I don't think I want anything to do with it."

"Your perception of it is so warped."

"Then tell me."

She breathed out a lungful of air.

"Love is: putting the other person before yourself, even if it means they are happy when you aren't; it's craving time with that person, like all the hours in the world wouldn't be enough; it's being in a room full of people, and feeling completely lost, but you see them and suddenly, you're home. They're home. No matter where in the world you are."

"I think," I said, not really knowing if I'd have the nerve to finish my sentence. "I think I'm in love with Nicolás, Elise."

"I know."

I turned my whole body towards her. "I need to ask you something." She gestured for me to go on. "You and Nicolás. Do you want to be with him?"