32. Happier without me

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"We need to make sure we continue this tradition every year." Caitlynn practically moaned as she took another bite of her banana pancakes.

Me and Caitlynn for the past two years have spent the mornings after Christmas together having breakfast. The first year I spent the morning at her house and we both stood in the kitchen and made waffles with the new waffle maker her dad had gotten her mom for Christmas that year. Since then we decided it was better if we went out instead of making breakfast ourselves.

"This is not something I am ever thinking about giving up." I look down at my own breakfast.

I had always ended up getting waffles. Cait has an obsession with pancakes that exceeded the normal love most people have for them. I wouldn't doubt the fact she'd eat them for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday for the rest of her life.

When the bell to the front door chimed I couldn't help but glance over to see the two people that walked in. The girl was talking and swinging her arms around trying to prove her point. The boy was focused on her story that he didn't notice anything around him.

I couldn't peel my eyes away from them. Was he everywhere?

It was seriously bad luck to see none other than Trevor and Amy standing in this very restaurant. I hadn't seen him since the day before winter break, it was weird not being able to just walk up to him.

I was supposed to be giving him space so I stayed rooted in my seat.

"You look like you've seen a ghost." Caitlynn voiced.

"I think I have." I muttered.

I watched as they both laughed about whatever Amy was talking about. He looked good, he looked happy. Maybe this space was good for him. Maybe he was happier without me. I have been a complete wreck and here he was laughing and having an amazing time without me.

"What are the chances."

I looked over to see Caitlynn not so discreetly peering over at the two people at the front.

"You're being obvious." I scolded.

"Sorry, is that Amy?"

I nodded.

"At least he's not out with a girl that he's not basically related to." Cait tried to see the bright side.

"It's fine, he wanted space, he wanted a break."

"Are they staying?" My best friend pressed.

I watched the two as they talked to the girl at the front.

"No I think they are getting food to go."

"Don't torture yourself, let's just finish these amazing breakfast foods." She tried to take my attention away from Trevor but it felt like my heart was breaking watching him smile and laugh.

I wanted to be the one making him happy but I knew that our relationship wasn't at that spot right now. He wasn't happy with me and I could only hope that this break was going to help us.

"Do you think it was a smart idea to take a break?" I asked her.

I had avoided asking that very question for the past couple days but now I needed to know what she thought.

"Honestly?" She questioned.

I nodded. I could handle the truth.

"Yes, I do. I know you hate it but I think you need this. You've dealt with a lot in the past and I think you're holding on to things and they have gotten in the way of your relationship even if you think they haven't." She doesn't go into detail but I had a feeling I knew exactly what she was talking about.

"So what do you think I should do?"

"I think you need to do the one thing you've never been able to do. Talk to your brother, Ella you need to face everything that's happened and I think that unless you decide to face those fears head on you will never be able to work things out with Trevor."

"When did you become so wise?" I joked.

"Did you forget my mom is a marriage counselor?" She asked.

I hadn't forgotten. The dinner our families had during my freshman year of high school burned that knowledge into my brain. My parents were in the middle of a huge fight after all the things with my brother. When Caitlynn's mom walked into the home it was like she could sense the dysfunction. She had done nothing but analyze their relationship the whole night and left a strategically placed business card behind before she left. Caitlynn had apologized for the night a million times but let's just say my parents never invited them over again.

"I will never forget that."

"Ugh I think I have almost forgot about the disaster that night was." Caitlynn seemed to be remembering the same dinner.

"Nothing good came of that night."

"Speaking family disasters, my sister is back in town." Cait warned me.

"Does Jackson know?" I knew I had to talk to my brother.

I knew our relationship wasn't great but I think it was probably time to do something about it. I needed to put everything out on the table and let things go.

"I heard her talking in her room last night so I wouldn't be surprised if she called him. She asked about him like five times since she's been back. If she hasn't reached out yet she is going to."

"Jackson isn't going to take her back if that's what she is expecting to happen." I didn't know if that was true but I was hoping that my brother wouldn't put himself through that again.

"That's what I told her but she tends to have selective hearing."

"That sounds like Nikki."

My brother met Nikki at that very disaster of a dinner me and Caitlynn forced into happening. After that they were with each other all the time. It was crazy how quick it had happened but my brother was dealing with a lot and after two years Nikki broke up with him and fled to California for college. She left my brother heart broken, I think part of him was still broken up about it.

"I'll do my best to reason with her but she's going on about wanting to transfer so she is closer to home. I don't know what has gotten into her."

"She wants to come back?" I sat there stunned.

"We will see." She shrugged.

This week has been nothing but terrible news. Did anyone else have something they wanted to tell me? I don't think things could get any worse.

A/n:

I had a job interview the other day and yesterday I found out I didn't get the job so I've been kinda down and frustrated lately. I had high hopes because I thought it went well but apparently not. Now I just have to keep trying and I'm just frustrated because if feels like I am not going to get hired anywhere.

Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and are excited for the next one. If you enjoyed this chapter don't forget to comment and vote.

-cora Leigh

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