I See You [REWRITING]

chapter 29: whole heart

I've never really been sure if I was one of those people who believed that things change after you take this giant leap into adulthood. If I should feel different after losing my virginity, or if feeling different afterwards is normal. It's a question that's lingered in the back of my mind for longer than I knew, and now that I've experienced it I know I do.

I feel whole, like I'm complete with Felix and it's in that moment as I lay next to him that I realize he has my whole heart. Something I never thought would happen to me, but it has and it feels weird. To know there is another person out there that fills in the empty spaces, another person to depend on, another person to just be my person.

To be there when I need them. Someone I can depend on and will be nothing but completely honest with me. Good or bad, because I want that with him. I want all of this with him. I want the bad days, and the fights because it makes all the good stuff that much better and suddenly my fear is no longer letting him in but losing him.

"What are you thinking about?" Felix asks quietly as he turns onto his side, the tip of his finger dragging along my spine.

I shake my head, pulling his pillow tighter to my chest as I lay on my chest. "Just how happy I am right now."

"Yeah?" He hums.

I nod my head as I turn my head to look away from him, closing my eyes tightly and my lips curl up slowly when I feel his finger drawing on my back. His touch setting my skin on fire while still managing to send a shiver up my spine.

"I'm happy too," he tells me gently before leaning over, and kissing my shoulder blade.

I can't help the grin that crawls onto my face as I relax under his touch, rubbing the pillowcase between my fingertip and thumb. Felix continues to trace shapes over my back, and I slowly begin to keep count of the drawings. It takes a second, but eventually I realize the shapes are letters.

Mindlessly, I don't pay attention until they begin to add up. After the first four letters, my eyes open and my heart speeds up when I realize he's traced I love you on my skin. There's so much impact in the eight little letters that I feel like my heart is ready to combust, but it's that feeling that makes me realize I have nothing to be scared of when it comes to Felix. He's like a high I'm never, ever going to come down from.

When he stops tracing my skin, his fingertip hovering just above my back I turn around to face him. The corners of my lips curl up as I bring my hand up to rest on his cheek, his skin soft under my palm.

"I love you too," I say quietly. "So much."

Felix grins at me and somehow, makes me fall in love with him all over again as he leans forward and kisses me. "You're the best damn thing to happen to me, Nicks. I love you."

"Say it again," I hum, the words like music to my ears.

"I love you," he kisses my cheek and then my jaw. "You make everything better."

"You do too," I admit. "My life was falling apart before you, Felix. Then you came and you put all my broken pieces back together. I seriously, don't know how it's possibly to love a person this much."

The corners of his lips curl up as his thumb brushed over my jawline. Butterflies fill my stomach as I lean into his touch.

"You're beautiful, you know that?" He asks and I thank him quickly with a kiss, resting my hand on his chest. "Thank you."

"You're thanking me for kissing you now?" I smirk, my voice teasing.

"No, I'm thanking you for being here," he tells me honestly, his fingers tangled in the ends of my hair. "I don't like to admit it but I've missed having my family around. I was so used to having them around, having them need me but then Charlotte moved away for her job, and my moms' started working more. If one's here, the other is gone or they're both gone. All I had left was Liv, but now she's gone to and I guess I didn't realize just how much I like feeling needed."