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I locked eyes with the girl and smiled. I saw her smile back and it sent butterflies in my stomach. Her teeth were beautifully white and straight. Her dimples imprinted both of her cheeks. Her eyes slightly squeezed shut, but I could still see the visible sparkle in them.

Celia Reynolds was such a sight. I could stare at her for hours if I wasn't afraid of her noticing. Except, that's all I really want from her. I want Celia to notice me like she used to. I wish I hadn't been so distant with her when she showed clear interest in me. Now I was the one who had an interest in her, but she would not know it.

I pushed her away because I was scared to come to terms with who I am. I didn't want to walk into school everyday and have everyone see me as the lesbian girl. I didn't want to go home and have my mom look at me and think I have a gay daughter. I wanted my dad to expect me to bring home a guy he could threaten to 'stay away from his daughter'. And because all of that, I never got the girl of my dreams. I never got to have my first kiss with the person I wanted to have my first kiss with. I didn't get to go to prom with Celia because I was afraid of what others would think of me. Well now I'm out, and she's been out. I just can never have her because of the way I treated her, and also she has a girlfriend now.

Then she just looked away.

I felt my heart sink into my chest at the realization that I was just another one of her classmates. I wasn't her crush anymore, I wasn't someone who she longed for anymore. Just another one of her classmates that she smiled at to seem friendly.

And that's what she was. She was friendly, cute, nice, funny, and smart. I definitely couldn't match up with many of those things.

"Oh! And with that, class dismissed!" My teacher said. It's too bad that I wasn't actually listening to anything she was saying. I'd probably just have to grab the work from my friend who had this class before me. That's been a constant thing lately, as I've had the thoughts of Celia in my mind. I've found that I can't focus in a classroom as much anymore because all I do is think. And of course, with my luck, I'm not thinking about academics, but about Celia and her silky jet-black hair.

I let out a pitiful breathy sigh. I was a lost cause.

Would it have even mattered if I'd just kissed her at prom when she leaned in close to me? Should I have pushed her away with a faux look of disgust on my face, and the cruelest scoff? Would anyone have even cared that I liked girls and not guys?

Of course they'd care. They cared when I actually did come out last year. But gosh, would I have cared? If I got to hold hands with her in public? If I would be able to kiss her when we walked down the halls and not care whoever looked, or how disgusted they looked.

I need to stop with the fantasies. Surely it'll never happen. But a girl can dream? Great. I'm the one who rejected her in the worst way possible and now I'm bawling my eyes out because she doesn't like me anymore.

I was forced to get out out of my feelings when the bell rang. My teacher had announced class being over 3 minutes ago, I was just too caught up in my own thoughts to move at all.

I retrieved my bag off the back of my seat and slung it over my shoulder. Then I made my way over to the exit door, still upset at myself.

"Hey."

I looked up at the voice that seemed to be speaking to me, which was kind of unexpected to me since I have no friends in this class.

There I saw the one and only Celia Reynolds looking back at me. "Ciara?" She asked, referring to me. Her voice was flat and... husky? I really couldn't speak, even as much as I forced myself to do so. She didn't really notice my awkwardness though, and still smiled at me like she had a few minutes earlier.

I was being crazy. I may have the hugest crush on her, but that doesn't mean I forgot that I'm a human being.

"Oh hey. Celia, was it?" I knew her name of course, but this was the best way I'd go.

"Yeah. Anyways I wanted to ask you something."

Oh my gay. If this is what I think it is, I may just jump out of my skin. I choked up my fears and put out my best response; "Yeah?" Okay, I tried.

"So there's this party tomorrow night, and I was wondering if you'd like to go." I widened my eyes upon hearing her words. She was really inviting me to go to a party with her? Okay, was it with her or was it just with her. And what kind of party was it?

"I'm always up for a party." I said truthfully. I'm not one to back from a fun night. "What kind of party?" I was glad this was just casual high school talk. If it was anything deeper I'd probably be choking on my words right about now.

"Oh! No need to dress up or anything. Wear something..." she thought about it. "Wear something flexible but cute." Yoga pants was the only thing I could think of. "It's at the Frame House. Mostly everyone will be there. I just thought I'd invite you because I wasn't sure if someone else had already." Her voice made her words sound unsure. She was probably worried about not hurting my feelings. But my feeling don't really get her, I'm usually on the other end of that table.

"Yeah, Celia. I'll-I'll be there. Thanks for the invite." I half smiled. "But someone else already told me about it." Lie. "I just thought it was a different party, that's why I kept asking-" I didn't continue speaking because I was rambling. That really wasn't making me look any better in front of her.

"Oh, then that's great!" She said. She was perfect, so caring and- "I'm glad you know about it, and I'm happy I invited you too." She looked behind me. I did the same and saw it was a friend of hers. "See ya Ciara. Gotta go!" And she bolted away from me.

I might have to process that a bit. The girl I'm helplessly falling for has invited me to some random party. I have to dress a way that I never dress, and it's at some place I've never even heard of before. But at least Celia would be there... shit, Celia will be there. I had already messed up things with her last year but it seems she's been quick to forgive me, which I admire about her. But I just think my night would be ruined if I'm constantly thinking about her and not about having fun. I'd have to get a couple of friends to go with me so I'd have some clearance.

Soon I was with my best friend, Kendall, going into stores I've never had an interest in. Apparently leggings are not the only think that's flexible and cute. I was able to find a nice outfit to match the wild night I'd have just the next day.

You've reached the end of published parts.

⏰ Last updated: Apr 12, 2019 ⏰

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