Everyone in the small town of Hull knows two things. One: Jill Williams doesn't date, and two: Carson Blue is addicted to drugs.
When Carson decides to clean up his act and apply at Jill's family restaurant, she's less than enthused. Between school...
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IN HIS SONG 'The Needle and the Damage Done,'Neil Young says, "Every junkie's like a setting sun." I never understood that lyric, because sunsets are beautiful and addiction is far from it. But I think I get it now. It's about a light that goes out. A light you can't control.
I can stop the people I love from doing drugs as much as I can stop the sun from sinking below the horizon.
After I drop Val off, I go home. I sit in my room and play my guitar, staring through the window at the dusting of stars that fleck the sky. It feels like this night will never end; despite everything that happened, it's only ten p.m.
Someone knocks at the door, but all I want to do is sing and wish and forget.
"I'm practicing," I say. "Please leave me alone."
Nolan pokes his head in, and while I love that boy more than life itself, I don't want to see him. "What happened?"
I don't reply, just keep plucking the strings of my guitar. I focus on the chords: D, C, D, A, A, C.
"Is Carson coming back?"
"No, bud. Carson went home."
"But he said he would be here."
Anything I say right now is going to come out frustrated and mean. I don't want to talk, so I keep playing. This isn't me, I think, but I can't do anything about it.
"Where is he?" Nolan asks. "Is he coming back to play? Is that why you're practicing? Maybe Carson wants to give me another lesson—"
"Don't you get it, Nolan?" I snap, shoving my guitar on my bed. "He's a liar. It's about time I start accepting that, and it's about time you do too. He's a liar, just like my dad. Just like yours."
I realize what I've done as soon as it comes out. I go to apologize, but it's too late—Nolan is gone, and he's been replaced by Mom standing in my doorway.
"What's going on, Jill?" She crosses her arms over her floral pajamas. "Did you just raise your voice at Nolan?"
I lower my head. "I didn't mean to."
Mom sighs and closes the door behind her, before she sits beside me on my bed. I hold in tears, ashamed and mortified I'd take my frustration out on Nolan. I've never yelled at him. I never thought I would.
"What happened, sweetheart?" Mom asks. "Don't tell me you're fine, I know you're not."
I pick up my stuffed teddy with the missing eye to give myself something to focus on. "Dad's shooting up again. And... he tried to shoot up Carson."
Mom covers her mouth. "Oh, no... did he—"
"I caught them first. But the needle was right about to go into his arm. It was this close." My hands shake the teddy. When Mom touches my shoulder, I relax. It's humiliating to recount what happened at Shae's house, but I tell her every moment of it. "I feel so stupid," I say, crying, "because I still want to help Carson. I want to get him off drugs and away from his abusive family because aside from tonight, I still think he's so amazing."
