Vicky, Two-bit, Johnny, Dallas and I settle down at a picnic table with our drinks. I've nearly finished my coke by the time we sit down. Dallas's shoulder brushes against mine as he sits next to me. His attention suddenly shifts to a few passing girls. He whistles causing them all to giggle. I am over come with the feeling of being invisible.
Sighing, I stand and throw the bottle away. I turn back to see that Dallas went chasing after them.
"Hey," Two says loudly, "don't let it get to you- he'll come around." I nod and dig my nails into my palms until I force a smile. I wander off, feeling like a worthless piece of shit I've been treated like my whole life.
I find myself in a crowd of people, surrounding a few young men singing. The song ends and people clap, like a loud, rushing wave crashing over me.
"If anybody has any requests you can see Jimmy over at the picnic table, and we'll play it just as soon as we can." The boy talking looks to be only a little older than me, with blonde hair that is slightly combed back in front and eyes as grey as stone, yet friendly and inviting. Only a few people shuffle over to make requests. Why not? I join the small line as the feeling of gratefulness washes over me. I am glad my surroundings are unknown, for most of the places I remember- I don't want to remember.
Time seems to of ticked on for an eternity.
"Hey there," a young man at the picnic table says- 'Jimmy' I assume. He has light brown hair that is slicked back and curls slightly around his ears, his big blue eyes smile at me, "what would you like to request?" Of course, the band starts playing before I have the chance to tell him what song.
"Can you play-" I can hardly hear myself, but he seems to understand, "for-." He nods.
"Trying to get a message across?" Jimmy half shouts, his expression dropping slightly. I nod- I do that often and wish I didn't have to, but most of the time I'm so busy drowning in everyone else's words that I forget my own.
"Thanks!" I turn to begin walking away.
"Hey, wait," I look at him over my shoulder, "can I get you a bite to eat?" I shake my head no and give him a half-hearted smile. "Alright- just don't let this guy of yours upset you too much. You seem like a sweet, pretty girl, and people like that don't deserve to be drowned in other people's words and actions." It's almost like he read my mind, it sends chills up my back. Although, I don't think anyone has ever said anything so sweet to me in my whole life.
Except when Dallas declared his love for me when he was drunk off his rockers. Then again, Dallas Winston could tell just about anybody he loved them when he's drunk.
I walk back to him and give him a friendly kiss on the cheek.
--
Night has settled quickly, it is cold and lonely but digs into my skin like fire. I hug my knees to my chest and slip off my shoes, I haven't worn a skirt in a while, but I thought maybe I would give it a try. The forest green fabric tickles the top of my feet. I'm glad to be sitting down, slightly away from the crowd in the grass where only a few couples lay listening to the music and two boys rough housing. I smile as they remind me of Ponyboy and Sodapop.
"Alright," the singer says, "this next song is for Dallas Winston-" at this point I'm no longer sure if I want him to hear it, but it's too late and the band begins to play.
"'Why do you build me up
(Build me up) buttercup, baby
Just to let me down
(Let me down) and mess me around?
And then worst of all
(Worst of all) you never call, baby,
when you say you will (say you will)
But I love you still.
I need you
(I need you)
More than anyone darlin'.
You know that I have from the start.
So build me up (build me up) buttercup,
Don't break my heart.
'I'll be over at ten' you told me time and again, but you're late.
I wait around and then
I run to the door,
I can't take anymore,
It's not you.
You let me down again.'"
- Out of the corner of my eye I see someone strut in my direction.
"You mad at me or something?" Dallas asks bluntly, sitting down in the grass next to me.
"Not mad- just upset, I guess."
"Those girls don't mean anything to me." I'm surprised he actually knows why I'm upset.
"I know. I just-" My hair spills infront of my face, creating a wall.
"You just what?"
"I started to feel like nothing when you did that. You wouldn't feel so hot if I went chasing after some random guy."
"Oh shit," he says, "I don't mean to make you feel that way." Of course you don't mean to. No one means to make me feel awful, huh? That's just how life is.
"I know."
"Here," he says pulling out a long piece of tan string from his pocket, "stupid, Morgan left her string laying around." He splits it in half twice and shoves some back into his pocket, leaving two. He ties a piece loosely around his ring finger, on the opposite hand of his intimidating skull ring. "Give me your hand." I'm snapped out of my haze as I move my hand to his grasp. His rough fingers have trouble tying a piece of string around my ring finger. "This is to remind you. Remind you that I like you way more than any other broad, okay?" I wipe a tear off my cheek, and instead of doing what Dallas would usually of done, he looks at me and sighs, "oh now, don't cry, princess."
"I love you." The words blurt out before I can stop them. I want the earth to collapse right from under me, I don't want to be seen. I can't believe I said that- to Dallas.
He stands and brushes off his jeans. I pray to God he didn't hear me.
"Hey, I'll take you on the Ferris Wheel like you wanted." My heart skips a beat. I stand, still hoping he didn't hear me.
Why am I so afraid of him knowing? Maybe because I know that he's afraid.
Some people don't show it, but we are all afraid of something, and Dallas is afraid of love.
YOU ARE READING
Cadaverous Love
Fanfiction"There's better things than this," he says, "there's gotta be."
