matty healy, falling in love over night

one thing after another

16th of june, lollapalooza

i woke up at 10am, the boys would be at lolla today, rolling around in the bed me and matty shared i picked up my phone and called him,

"heyyyyy" he slurred, he was drunk?
"matty?" i asked
"yep?" he responded sounding better, i breathed a little easier, there was rustling on the line
"matty?" i asked again
"..." nothing but silence
"matty?" i asked this time more irate
"hey grace? it's jamie, the boys are about to go on" , he sounded calm
"is everything okay?" i questioned jamie
"i won't lie, it's tense between matty and his mum .. you know how he gets. but he isn't high, george has been on 'matty watch' , he drank a little but he's okay i promise" , i sighed, drunk matty was better than high matty
"tell them goodluck"
"i will gracey, look after yourself and i'll make sure he calls after"

the uneasy feeling in my chest faded a little, he hadn't used. it's not hat i expected him to, i knew he was strong. i just worried about him, especially with his mum.
i flicked through my messages

5 new messages from carly

carly: i heard what happened, i'm so sorry
carly: i'll be staying with the boys for the spanish leg
carly: text me when you can
carly: i love you

i smiled at her messages taking the time to reply

new message to carly

grace: heya, i'm okay, just exhausted and sad. i'm so glad ur staying, we need a catchup and ive missed u girlie. now enjoy lolla!!!!!

i flicked through the rest of the messages

new message from george

george: love u and i've got ur back

i loved him, i really really did. it meant a lot to know i could count on everyone to back me up. i didn't feel so alone even though i was in an empty flat. i rolled out of bed and to the kitchen, pouring myself a glass of water i headed back to our room.
i pulled out black leggings, ugg boots and a grey hoodie. i tied my hair in a high pony and grabbed mattys car keys from the counter.
i had things to do.

first stop was my parents house. i knocked at the door to be greeted by my mum
"grace!" she squealed pulling me into a hug
"hey mum" i replied, trying to not cry
"look who's here!" she called into the living room,
"who?" my dad asked walking in. as soon as he saw me his face lit up and he pulled me into a long hug
"dad" i breathed
"i've missed you kiddo"
"i've missed you"
we all sat in the living room for a while, discussing tour and mattys well-being. they asked about the baby, names and so forth.
then came the big conversation
"not that we aren't glad to see you ... but why are you here grace?" my dad asked
"well .." i started. by the end of the story i was in floods of tears and my dad was holding me
"i'm just so scared" i said
"the baby?" my mum asked, i nodded my head
"what happens once we are parents?"
"you'll figure it out" she said confidently

an hour later my mum walked me to mattys car and hugged me tightly
"we've not always had the best relationship" she started, brushing the hair out of my eyes
"but i love you, and you're doing the right thing. this baby ... you'll figure it out. i'm not worried about you" , i smiled and hugged her back
"i love you mum"
"i love you grace"

my second stop was the shop me and lia use to buy alcohol underage from, i bought cheap wine and flowers.
i drove to the graveyard lia was buried at, i placed the flowers on her grave along with the cheap wine.
she would have laughed at that.
sitting beside it, i traced my finger tips round her engraved name.
"how'd it get so messed up le?" i cried out.
i tried to imagine what life would be like if she were still here, before i could my phone rang from my hoodie pocket, i fished it out to see mattys name flash on the screen, i wiped my face with my sleeve and stood up before answering the call

"hey" he said
"how did it go matty?" i asked
"really well .. i'm sorry i couldn't talk earlier, i'd drank a bit and i wasn't in the best headspace and"
"mattys it's okay"
"are you sure?" he asked
"i miss you" i said quietly
"i miss you"
"hey, only 4 days until i see you again though, it will go quickly i'm sure" i tried to sound confident
".. my mums staying"
"oh" was a i could muster. i couldn't tell his mum to leave, i wanted them to be okay
"that's okay matty"
"there's more" , my heart dropped
"go on"
"gabbys coming too" , i couldn't speak, i stood in silence in the graveyard
"grace?" he asked down the phone
"yes?"
"i'm sorry"
"me too matty" , i put the phone down and walked back to the car, it instantly started to ring again as soon as i strapped in my seatbelt. i turned it off and threw it to the backseat.

i didn't want to go back to the empty apartment right now. i didn't belong anywhere anymore. i thought i'd always have matty, i thought i meant something. it's not the fact gabby was coming, they were allowed to be friends, of course they were.
she just made me so uneasy, her smirk, the way she was effortlessly beautiful.
i was nineteen and pregnant, i couldn't compete and they had history.
what if this was the end of me and matty.
what would i do then.

i drove for what felt like an eternity before ending back up at our flat, even though i didn't want to.
i smiled weakly at leon, he didn't even bother to start a conversation. maybe he saw the defeat in my eyes.
i walked into the flat, slamming the door.
my phone remained in the car, far away. just where i wanted it, i didn't want anyone to contact me. i wanted to be alone, because very soon i had a feeling i would be.