Mixed Personalities

16.0

* okay sooo whenever you seen Alonso's p.o.v read with caution cause it might be triggering as hell *

Alonso

I felt Nassiah shift in his sleep I glanced down at the boy who was still very much asleep and smiled for a second. I couldn't sleep. I didn't have nightmares or anything anymore it's just like my body wouldn't let me sleep. I was exhausted mentally all the time but when i hit the bed my mind was flooded with thoughts.

"Alonso you ain't no faggot" my father argued back. I was tired of telling him I was "You need to come back home, they got ya confused up thea"

"Ian confused and this ain't home" I yelled back frustrated.

"Then why you came running hea? Cause you needed my help"

"No I wanted to know how you live with ya self . Being a fucking murder and all"

"Cause people die everyday- so what it I caused it they was gonna die anyway" he said flatly and that's when I realized my biggest fear was becoming like my father. No emotion ran through his face as he said those words. "That's why I wanted a boy, so you could run the empire"

"Make anotha cause Ian doing it"

"Are you fucking dumb Alonso! This runs through ya brains- my daddy did it, his daddy did it- his daddy did it. This is it! This is you!" He yelled and I just listened. "Nigga shit, you wanna be a pussy nigga and die in these streets you ain't! My son ain't no punk"

   "I ain't even wanna be ya son" I spat back and he let out a chuckle with a shrug. He was annoying. He was stubborn and he thought he could control me into joining this stupid empire he made but I wanted no parts. "When them cops took me away and I got put into a new home I ain't ever been happier" I added pushing him back. Bap. He punched me in my face. His hits still hurt- no matter how many I had gotten as a kid. Shit always got me off guard.

   "You always been a disappointment- ya momma knew it ,I knew hell even ya grandma knew it. But Ian ever think you was gonna be no faggot on top of that" he spoke lowkey as he held the collar of my shirt. "Imma beat the fag out ya ass Alonso- and by the time I'm done with you. You gonna run this shit with a bitch by your side like you got some sense" he spoke another punch hitting my face.  Coming out to my dad was terrifying. I had looked up to this man so much, I didn't want to be him but I atleast wanted his praise for something other then toting a gun. I felt my face become wet and I knew I was crying. My mother? She was my rock or was until I got older. She stopped arguing with my dad as she got sick and let him take me to the block all night instead of school. She always told me I was gonna be something and here I was - nothing.i didn't understand why I cared so much about what he said. He never did shit for me.

.....

  "You a natural you sure you wasn't selling down whatevs you stay?" My dad asked as I rolled the blunt. I shook my head not
Really listening to what he was saying I litt the blunt and everyone was staring at me.

   "What?" I asked around the blunt.

   "I'm trynna talk business wit yo ass" he spat lowly and I just went back to smoking. Everyone was scared of him but I wasn't so it never worked. I'd been here two months. I listened to every word my father said every thing he ever thought. I just kept rolling up.
 
   "Ion want shit to do with this. Y'all running around and looking over ya shoulder for what? Quick cash that finna leave you in jail" I spoke and everyone left the room already knowing how my fathers mouth went. But this time it wasn't a fist hitting me it was his gun. Blood filled my mouth and when I spit one of my back Mollers came out with the blood. I looked up at him who wore a smile across his face.

   "You ain't finna keep disrespecting me bo-  I remember it going black and me hitting him. I remember not wanting to stop. Just me punching him over and over and over again until he kicked me off when he did he held his gun up- bang. Pain filled my shoulder feeling the bullet hit it. "I can make more sons remember that" he said whipping the blood from his nose and walked out. "Someone help my son- he bleeding" he added before walking out.

   

"Alonso" Nassiah voice said snapping me out my thoughts he whipped away a stray tear making me look down at him with a reassuring smile. He then leaned up and turned on the light and smacked his lips together. "What's wrong?" He asked his eyes softening.

"Nothing I'm good" I responded and by his face I could tell he didn't buy it.

    "You stay lying to a nigga" he then responded the attitude laced in his voice I looked at the now mad faced Nassiah and pulled him into my lap going to kiss him but he pushed me back.

"What's wrong?"

"Just thinkin Nassiah- I said I'm good" I added and he sent me a small nod and pressed his lips on my cheek.

"I'm worried bout you for real Alonso, I'll kill this nigga if you want me too" he responded his eyes not leaving mine.

"You can't kill him"

"Why? You think he'll win inna shoot out?" I nodded slowly and Nassiah smacked his lips.

"And it's not really your problems their mine. He's still my pops you know how crazy you gotta be to kill ya pops?"

"So let me kill him"

"Nah you doing good now for real, Ian finna let you go backwards. Imma be ii" I tried to reassure him but I felt like I watched it go in one ear out the other.

"Ion like seeing you hurt like this" he spoke softly. His hands playing with mine as he avoided eye contact. "Ian wanna believe you was depressed but molly be telling me symptoms and it seems like maybe"

"I'm fine

"You ain't fine! And google said depression a silent ass killer. I swea' yo" I heard him sniffling and I lifted up His face and he was really crying. "I love yo black ass for real" he said his wet eyes looking at me. "I can't see no rip in front of ya name"

"Pa why you thinking like this?" I asked whipping his tears as fast as they came down his face. He sent me a small shrug and I sent kisses around his face until I saw a small smile. "I love your stubborn ass too, Ian going no where I don't wanna hear you thinking like this again ok?" I stated exhaling a bit. I needed to deal with my shit forreal now huh?

.............
• okay sense this sad let's get even sadder and reminisce about our favorite moment of attitude problem

- and go

- mine was when Alonso shot lock I loved writing that😩.