Absolute Obedience

Chapter Twenty

Tired.

I felt so tired, my body ached, and distantly I could feel something uncomfortable but before my eyes could even open I was dragged back down into the abyss.

.....

I wasn't sure how many times I had struggled to open my eyes, but each time landed in failure. My senses were dulled and I could faintly hear voices, none of them sounded familiar but the scents did. My tired mind hadn't been able to place them before I was pulled back into the realm of sleep.

This time, however, I fought to stay awake. My senses were stronger, and whatever was forcing me into sleep was finally wearing off.

I forced my eyes open, they stung and watered with the effort. It was tempting to close them once more and sleep, but I held strong. Blinking a few times to clear my vision and mind, I was met with a dark and empty room. Immediately it had my attention and I struggled to bring myself up into a sitting position.

The room was familiar.

The smells were familiar.

Panic seized me as memories flooded my mind.

Beta!

Scrambling, my hands patted down my body not fully believing that I was still alive. Dread started to fill me. This wasn't how it was supposed to be! I wasn't supposed to still be alive much less in this room.

My eyes did another scan of the room, and as if mocking me, the blinds covering the window were drawn partially open. The moon, in all her brilliance shown brightly, watching me. Fisting my hands into my hair I felt a scream start to swell within me.

I couldn't even die obediently, and worst of all the Moon knew it. Bile rose up and before I could figure out if it was the scream or the puke that would win the race I heaved over the side of the bed and let whatever was housed in my stomach out. My body quaked with the force, trembling.

When the last of the contents of my stomach was out I did my best to breathe, trying to calm down. It didn't work and soon I found myself out of bed and huddling in a dark corner away from the moons patronizing gaze. I didn't want to be judged, I didn't want her to see me like this.

Bringing my knees up towards my chest I wrapped my arms around them and sobbed. I didn't want to be here, I didn't want to remember, I didn't want him to know what I'd done. Surely they all would think that I was disgusting, desperate.

My wolf was silent again. He was angry with me. My heart clenched. We weren't supposed to be alive.

Breath shattering sobs continued to rake through me. Memories of being bedded by the Beta started to play out in my bed triggering more tears. He had called me a good boy, I had been doing good, but I felt disgusting. The feel of his hands, of his lips, the smell of his sex. It was all so fresh. I could still taste him on my tongue and another wave of nausea hit me.

"Alpha, there is no need to check on him. I gave him a strong sedative earlier."

"Tessa, he's awake and if you continue getting in my fucking way I'll skin you."

"But Levi said—"

"Like I give a rats ass what Levi said!" My head shot up, it was him!

Excitement, fear, dread. So many emotions shot through me. I didn't want to see him though. I didn't want to face him after what had happened. I didn't deserve to be under his roof. I was a disappointment, a failure. I couldn't even stay away like I was told.

I tried to curl into myself further, wishing the wall would just swallow me entirely. I felt my wolf's dread at hearing his voice. The memory of his howl as the Beta had slammed into me played in my head.