Shattered (Continuation of: The Chase) ▹ Ashton Irwin

Chapter Forty Nine

*Brooke's POV*

"I'l be taking you to school again," my mother said as she jogged up beside me. I was slowly making my way to the garage, with dreadful thoughts in my mind and a nervous beat in my chest. I had all my things in my arms, even though 50% of it was incomplete. It was Wednesday, almost exactly half way through the week, yet I have practically nothing done. I've been so behind in all my classes lately, which definitely didn't help my grades that were so miserably falling. I think I've got an F in art, which is almost impossible to do. But what do you know, a lot of things I've done seem impossible, but I've still done them.

It was Wednesday, as I previously stated. It's been almost a week since Ashton and I broke up, and I still can't wrap my head around the fact that its all just over. I've tried so many times to just finally get used to the feeling of being without him, but it's been so hard. Because everytime I think, it's over, Brooke. Just get used to it. I also have the tendancy to add in, it's over, Brooke Just get used to it. And it's all your fault! It's become a never ending circle, where I try to regain my strength but lose it all when I realize this was all my fault.

"Whatever." I mumbled back to my mother. I really didn't mean to be pissy towards her, but I couldn't help it. Her and my father both know about what happened, since the moment I got home on Sunday I started to sob and they asked why I was so sad. I told them just a small portion of what actually happened, and I just told them we got in a fight that ended it all. And even though that is true, a lot more added up to why he hates me. He said it himself; he hates me just as much as I said I hate him. Only, I don't hate him. I love him, but I was too dumb to pay attention to that.

I haven't seen Ashton since it all went down. Going into school two days ago on Monday morning, I was absolutely terrified to see him again. With every second that passed, I got more and more anxious for when I was gonna finally just see him again. All together, I have two classes wth him, so no matter what I'm going to be seeing him every single day. So far this week, though, I haven't seen him. Not once. He hasn't shown up to art, he hasn't been in english, and I haven't seen him walking around with Michael or Luke or Calum. I haven't gotten a glimpse of Ashton since we broke up, and I'm both worried and scared to death at the moment. I hope he's alright, but when he finally comes to school I don't know how I'm going to handle it. Everytime I've even think about him as a person or what I did to him, I get so fucked up in the head to the point that I don't even know what anything is anymore. I've had so many fits over this, and it's all due to my constant guilt and lonliness.

My mother and I sat in silence the whole way to school, but that's not very unordinary anymore. I've become so distant with everyone in my family, even after my parents have both been trying so hard to keep us all together. I'm just as guilty with them, since they have no clue as to how I've been living for so long. They don't know that I've become addicted to the wrong things, and they don't know of all the wrongs I've comitted in the past few months. It all makes me feel like shit, since its what made me lose the person I love the most.

"Brooke," Mom said beside me. I didn't look at her in response, because I was too ashamed and too interested in looking around the enterance of campus for Ashton. I didn't see any sign of his red truck in the parking lot, which made me both relieved and a little concerned. Where the hell is he? How is he doing? Is he okay?

"What," I replied. I mentally scolded myself for having such a negative tone with her. My mother didn't do anything wrong, and I'm trying my best to not take my anger out on her.

"Please have a good day today." she said. "Please? Just be positive and focus on your work. You look nice, by the way."

I didn't see what was so nice about me at the moment; I have completely ditched the makeup and preppy clothes, and I'm going to try and keep it like that for good. Even though it was hot as hell outside, I still wore jeans and a long sleeve shirt, just because it was basic and comfortable. I'm planning to maybe go through my closet when I find some time to, because I've also realized that the way I've been presenting myself isn't like me either. People can dress however they want, but I don't want to dress like that anymore. I would much rather go about the days being un-noticed. Being known and being someone that everyone has heard about is not in my interest anymore. And plus, who am I going to impress? I don't give a shit about hardly anyone at this school anymore, since they were all never my friends to begin with. Apart from Jessie and Leila...and you know, Ashton and stuff, I hardly know anyones names. Why do I need to look "good" for them? I don't care about how I look. It's not like my style is going to help Ashton come back. Nothing is going to help that.