Under the Mask

Better Late than Never

I was in the training room beating the crap out of a dummy trying to find the right words to say to Wally when he found me. Since I've been found out I'm not wearing a mask, which makes me feel exposed, the fact that I'm also shirtless isn't helping either.

"What did that dummy ever do you you?" He joked, but it was strained. He was smiling but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

I stopped pummeling the dummy and turned to face him, no time like the present I guess.

"We need to ta-" I start saying the same time he says,

"Dick I think we need to talk."

We both laugh awkwardly before I let him continue,

"I guess you agree, look I'm not going to sugarcoat it, I'm fucking pissed, beyond that I'm hurt Dick, I was your best friend and you just left, just let me think you were dead, I mourned you, hell I never stopped. But I talked to Barbara and she convinced me to hear you out, I deserve to know why anyways. And while I don't think there's anything you can say to fix this right now I do think that for once we need to be on the same page if there's going to be any chance that we can mend our relationship. We need to be honest, both of us, I'll start. Dick I was in love with you, I never said anything because I didn't think there was a snowballs chance in hell that you felt the same way."

I stand stunned, I mean I know now that he likes guys but this, this I did not expect. I feel so stupid. I let out a sigh and clear my thoughts, I can't focus on that right now, he said he was in love with me, not that he is anymore, why would he be?

"I had no idea, I was so confused and embarrassed back then, I had no idea how to deal with liking guys, let alone my best friend. By the time I realized it wasn't normal and that as far as I knew you liked girls, exclusively girls, you were like the straightest guy I knew but by then it was too late, I was in love with you, I had been since before I even knew what love was. When you started dating Artemis I was crushed. So I tried to ignore my feelings, I dated Barbara and I did love her, just not in the same way. I tried to pretend that it was enough, that I could live that way, it was comfortable but something was missing, that spark, the one I only ever felt when I looked at you. So I ended things with Babs, it wasn't fair to her anyway, and I told her everything, she was the first person I had ever admitted it to, I had a hard time even admitting it to myself. So for awhile there it was good, you and Arty left the team so I didn't have to see you guys together all the time, and I finally had someone to confide in but my feelings for you weren't the only problems I had. Things were reaching a breaking point at home, I'm surprised we'd made it as long as we did. Don't get me wrong things weren't always bad, things were good in the beginning, when I was younger and he was happier. But as I got older things got more and more strained, he wanted a side-kick, someone he could control, not an equal, certainly not the partner I was supposed to be. Bruce isn't my dad, I never have nor will I ever think of him that way, I had a father and he was amazing. And it's not that Bruce couldn't be a father, he could, just not mine, he was so young when he took me in, age wise he's more like a way older sibling, he wasn't ready to be a parent anyway, he still had a lot of growing up to do himself. Not to mention he never moved on from the death of his parents and probably never will. It's what drives him and he took me in because he thought I would be just like him but I'm not. I still mourn my parents, but I moved on, I didn't let it define me, didn't let it be my driving force. Instead I chose to walk a different path, I mean I obviously still rock the mask and tights but it's not my whole life, and I don't live in the darkness like he does, I choose to see the light, the good in people, the good in this world. I choose not to let what I do taint the way I see the world and unlike batman I see shades of gray. That ended up being a big factor in our falling out. One day we just got into it, no holds barred full on yelling match that ended with me throwing my mask and cape at his feet and walking out the door. After that I went to the only place I could think of, the cave. When I got there I saw everyone was in the training rooms and you and Artemis were there. Before I walked in I stood outside for a minute and overheard you were rejoining the team, which I was both elated and crushed to hear. I was about to go welcome you back when I heard Kaldurh ask you when you were planning on popping the question. I had desperately hoped you'd just laugh and say yeah right or something but then you started talking about where and how and I felt my heart shatter. I ran out of there before anyone saw me and never looked back. I never thought you guys would think I died, I figured Bruce would tell everyone I quit and you guys would figure out that I'd left. There were so many times over the years that I wanted to reach out to everyone but I just couldn't stand the idea of hearing about how happy you and Artemis were, about your wedding and if you had kids. Every time I imagined it I could feel my heart splinter so I learned to push it all to the back of my mind and just work on myself. I did a damn good job of it too, that is until you guys found me on that rooftop. The rational thing to do would have been to say no and just go on my merry way but no I saw you on that rooftop and I had to be around you again but so much time had passed and I wasn't ready to deal with the Batman of it all and no one recognized me so I just went with it. I am incredibly sorry for all the pain I caused you, it was never my intention, I was young and hurting, I felt like everything in my life was falling apart and I needed to get out. If I had known how you felt about me I never would have left, not that I blame you for not saying anything, because I did the same thing. I just want you to know I would have never left if I knew, I thought you'd be better off, you had Artemis, I was just your sad younger friend with a hopeless crush. I really am sorry Wally, I wish we could just start over."

Wow I let out a breath, feeling a thousand pounds lighter. Wally just stands there for a moment, taking in everything I just said before he sticks out his hand and says,

"Hi, I'm Wally West, it's nice to meet you."

I feel a goofy smile spreading across my face as I put my hand in his,

"Dick Grayson, and it's really nice to meet you too Wally."

...

A/N and that's a wrap guys, wow I finally did it! A special shout out to all the readers who stuck with me through this whole thing even though I regularly went months without posting, you guys are the real mvps:) I'll probably do an epilogue at some point but for now I'm saying this fic is complete. I hope you guys check out my new fic second time around, it's also a bird flash, I already have a good chunk of it written so if it gets enough love the updates will be pretty consistent for awhile.

-Little Red